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Drumming My Way Into Friday

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#100HappyDays Day 9:

Friday.

Move over, Rebecca Black. I’m taking over your favorite day of the week. You know why? Because it’s MY favorite day and I’m older. End of discussion.

What’s not to be happy about on a Friday? It was my favorite day when I was younger. It was the day to be hungover in college and then get excited to party again that night. And once I got out of retail, it became the day that marked my two days off from the corporate world. HELL. YES.

I’m also happy because I get to spend the weekend with my Drummer. It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve seen each other. Work has been crazy for him since all the kiddies moved back to school last weekend, so we’ve been on pause, but this weekend will totally make up for it.

I know I haven’t written about him in a while, but honestly, what’s there to write? He’s awesome. He’s the sweetest thing ever and I’m happy I found him, or rather that he found me.

I guess I never told you guys about that huh? When I was thrown onto the tracks of the Online Dating Train, I was the pursu-ER. When you’re a female on any sort of website, the attention you get is ridiculous. The messages POUR in and you barely have time to look through them before your inbox got full. I didn’t want to wait and sift through a bunch of “Hey ma’s” and “Sugar Daddy?” messages so I took it upon myself to do all the looking and contacting. All of the dates I went on were a direct product of MY elbow grease in this business. Nobody can ever say I didn’t try. I was not one of those women who waited. Never been. Never will be.

I saw The Drummer’s profile a few hours before he messaged me, but I didn’t click on it for some reason. Then, I received his message. I had written in my profile about my love for whiskey and pizza, as well as my passion for blogging. He touched on all three of those things and apparently was intrigued. I tend to intrigue men with my whiskey obsession. I don’t understand why. Vodka tastes like absolute shit and beer has too many calories. What the fuck ever. Sorry. Rambling.

Anyways, I saw the message. Took a quick look at his profile and moved on. A few minutes later I popped back into my inbox and stared at the message. I had already promised myself that this round of OKC was my last attempt at online dating and I was going to be picky. But something just stood out about him. He was extremely good looking, but it wasn’t his pictures. We all know how awful men are at choosing online dating pictures (Sorry Drummer!) I honestly have no idea what it was, but I figured if I was this interested, I should shoot a message back. That message turned into dozens. And then we made plans. And then exchanged numbers.

Even leading up to the date, I wasn’t that nervous. The only reason I had any sort of anxiety was because this would literally be my last date from a website if it turned to shit. I was so sick of going on RIDICULOUS dates with ridiculous men only to be extremely disappointed. Little did I know it would be my last date, but for all the right reasons.

As soon as I got out of my car that night and walked towards him, I haven’t stopped smiling. He looked even better than his pictures, and had the best personality. It was such a relief to have a great time with someone when all you’ve done is waste time with others. And I’ve never felt so wanted by someone in my life. It’s quite nice.

I wouldn’t let him read my blog until recently, though that was the first topic of conversation we had. After a while of him hinting, I just let him have it. I’m honest with everyone in my life, even you guys. Why would I be any different with him?

Our little thing we have is still new, so it’s continually a learning experience. I’m content where I am. I feel lucky, but I also feel like I deserve such a great person. Everyone deserves that in their lives.

I don’t think of the “what ifs” or the future. I just think of how at the end of my workday I’m going to pack my things and then drive over to my super sweet dude and squeeze the crap out of him.

And today, I am happy.

friday-morning

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#100HappyDays 8: Shine On

#100HappyDays 8: Shine On

The Sun.

The sun is out today! What a great thing to be happy about.

The morning started out a little rough. I left my coffee mug at work yesterday so I had to scramble to find another one. Then I lost my keys and ran around the house like a mad woman looking for them. Perk #46781 of why I love living at home: My mom found my keys. THANKS MA!

As I was eating my breakfast, anxious thoughts ran through my head about work. I love my job. Don’t get me wrong. And everyone at work loves me. They go on and on about how I’m the best thing to ever happen to the office. But sometimes, they forget that I’m only one person, and also, what my job responsibilities are. There’s only one other person in the office with my job title besides me, and I’m the easiest to come to of the two. So people tend to come to me with all of their concerns and all of the work that needs to be done even though there are two of us available to do it. I know it’s because everyone knows I will get it done ASAP and do it correctly the first time, so I try not to let it get to me too much, but some days when I have a million other things to do, it would be nice if my other co-worker got her share of the problems. I’ve mentioned it before to upper management and it was fixed for a period of time, but now that things are busy again, it’s LARA TO THE RESCUE!

If you’re anything like me, you have your morning planned out by the half minute. If anything disrupts my normal course of morning routine, I’m late. All of my anxiety at breakfast didn’t help me find my keys or look for another coffee mug. It was a little nerve wracking, but when I looked in the mirror to put my scarf on, I stared at my prehnite stone, sitting on my neck and remembered what my mission in life is all about. What this challenge is about.

One Hundred Days of Happiness

Deep breaths, Lara

Of course it can be difficult. It’s a CHALLENGE. Ding Ding Ding! But dammit, I will conquer these 100 days, and I bet I’ll be happy for 100 more.

After having time to calm down about work, I realized I need to relax and take it all in. If I really feel like I’m being overworked, I need to tell someone about it. But that is only in dire situations. I need to grab hold of all the experience I can get because I have been blessed with a job that lets me take care of so many different tasks, that my experience will build and grow over time. Since having my second coffee and cigarette of the day, I feel a lot better about the workload as well. It makes me feel great to know that people love coming to me for help because it makes me feel wanted. And I am appreciated. They don’t forget to give me praise. Ever.

I guess I’m a little stressed today because I’ve been having weird dreams about my ex. Like something is wrong with him, or at least not right. Nothing to do with our relationship-that ship has sailed and I’ve embarked on a new quest with my Drummer. If it was relationship dreams, I wouldn’t care so much, but they are different. I’ve had two or three, two for certain. In one dream he had bruises on his face, as if he was severely beat up. He’s not the fighting type, so I took this as more mental than physical. And then in my dream last night, his best friend was telling me that something was wrong. He wasn’t himself. And he was just not doing well. And I woke up pissed off, naturally. Get out of my sleep cycle, dude. I wanted to reach out to ask if everything was okay, but I didn’t. It isn’t my problem anymore. He has a great family that can help him with any mental struggles he is dealing with. I couldn’t help him when I was with him, so I certainly can’t help him now.

But alas, all of the morning troubles left me as soon as I walked outside and saw the sun shining. With all of this crazy weather, it’s been nice to wear my shades and drive to work blaring my upbeat tunes.

Tomorrow’s Friday. My favorite day of the week. I won’t have an issue with tomorrow’s post!

Love others, but most importantly, love yourself.

#100HappyDays Day 6: Sweatin’ Coffee

#100HappyDays Day 6

Coffee.

I wish my day began like the Folgers commercials from the 80’s. Laying in bed with my hubster while that sweet, sweet aroma makes its way from the crappy coffee maker up the stairs to our bedroom…

Except in my version, hubs and I would get in a morning quickie before the kids followed the scent of coffee.

“Go play with your dolls, girls! Pancakes when Dad and I are done!”

No, but really. Today I’m giving a shout out to my big, long-time supporter in life: Coffee. I don’t discriminate. I love all of you. I’m sort of the pimpstress of coffees. And this one’s for you baby..

Dunkins. You’ve been my dude since high school. I’ve had you when I shouldn’t and longed for you when I was in need. Though your prices creep up slowly like a stranger in an alleyway, I turn around and give you that extra ten cents because that turbo shot makes my heart go boom boom.

Starbucks. You’re like a stripper at a really expensive night club. As I wait in line, I catch a glimpse at all of the desirable sweet treats you have to offer, but I stray away from them because they’re bad for my health. Most of the time, I’m cheap and pay for a tall macchiato, but I know if I really want a vente in the back room, I’m going to have to pay top dollar. So when I’m feeling a little extra, I slide right into home with you.

McDonald’s. You’re definitely a grow-er, not a show-er. When I first saw your small, itty bitty price, I thought I was going to get robbed out of a good time. But as soon as I handed over my dollar, I was returned with this surprisingly big, big cup that filled my mouth with such joy that I couldn’t even look Dunkin’s in the eye as I drank you at the stop light in the plaza. Newman’s, you Own my heart.

Maxwell House. I’m going to end with you because since I start my morning with you, it wouldn’t be fair to my other caffeinated bitches if I didn’t give them a second in the spotlight. My mom introduced us back when I realized I was spending too much money on the other hoes. It took a while to get used to your unsweetened taste, but when I met the Columbian blend, I got my socks knocked the frigg off. That blend makes me go all day, and I know that if I drank it before bed, I’d go all night too. Kisses, boo.

I Love Me My Coffee. And That Shit Makes Me Happy.

#100HappyDays Day 2

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Friends

Friends start out as a lesson in socializing from a very young age. A way to teach you to share. To be fair. Or quite frankly, to not. As we get older, we feel this automatic need to love and bond with our friends and we slowly learn the shelf life of each one.

When I was in middle school, I remember having this insane fight within my inner circle. We were all so angry with each other and as a passionate youngster, it took a serious toll on my 10 year old heart. We went to a mediation session with a faculty member and we were all crying and yelling at each other. It was then that the teacher said something that resonated with me:

“Can I be honest with you girls? Look around the table. There’s a very good chance that by the time you get to my age and even younger, you won’t even be speaking to one another. I have one friend from middle school that I’m still in contact with.”

It might sound a bit harsh to say that to middle school girls, but let me tell you: Every time a new “OHMYGODSHE’SMYABSOLUTEBESTFRIENDFOREVER” girl blew away with the wind, I always went back to that conversation. And it always eased my soul.

Because my heart was always bigger than my mind growing up, I had friends who used me, mentally abused me, and walked all over me.

My very first boyfriend in high school cheated on me with my absolute best friend at the time. I was devastated. And I stayed friends with her for two full years before finally cutting ties. Maybe that’s why I waited 7 years to have another relationship. And to this very day, I get anxiety when introducing someone I’m dating to a girlfriend.

I’ve had friends who used to yell at me for no reason. It was always their way or the highway. I used to appease them by molding myself into whoever they were or whoever they wanted me to be. They would tell me to “shut up.” They would ditch me to hang out with boys. They would use me for rides, for food, for comfort, yet I never got an ounce of that in return.

And for most of my life, I was never myself. And never happy.

When I left for college, I left a lot of that behind. The first day in the dorms felt like the first day of the rest of my life. I honestly sighed with relief.

A new start. Nobody who knows me. Nobody to tell me how to live.

I still had a few of those awful friends, but by my sophomore year, I let them go. And as I progressed through college, it became easier and easier to cut ties with anyone who was awful towards me.

One of the questions I asked my Liebster Award nominees was regarding when they felt that they finally became the person they are today. My answer is college. I started to become the Lara I am today, and I stopped molding myself into the people I hung out with. And that’s when I started creating meaningful friendships with like-minded people. Sure, I’ve had to let go of others along the way to the present time, but it got easier. I’ve stopped holding on to others who want to hold me down.

Friends are supposed to be the wind beneath your wings, not the rocks sitting on your fallen feathers.

They are there for support. To fly with you. Not against you. To laugh with you. To cry with you. And everything in between. They are honest and kind. Helpful, but not too much. And no matter how much time has passed, your bond will remain the same.

I’ve found those people. Finally. After years of sifting through dozens of people who wanted to claim my mind for their own superior gain, I have finally found friendship with meaning and love.

My Taco. One of my absolute best friends has shown me what true friendship feels like. The first time my ex and I broke up, he stayed with me every night for almost a month. Sleeping next to me, even though he loves being in his own bed, just so I wouldn’t cry alone. And every night he stayed with me was a night I did not cry and I actually got sleep. He has no idea what his 7 years of friendship means to me.

So today, I am happy for my friends. I have a good handful of them that I could write about for days, and wouldn’t trade them for anything. Not 100 more friends. Not a million dollars. Their existence keeps me going and I know I do the same for them. And I know that as we grow older, our physical time together will weaken, but not our friendship. We will soar together through blue skies and lock arms through dark times.

What I want you to take away from this is the fact that nobody can ever tell you how to live. A friendship is everything and more than what I’ve talked about today and it should be no less.

It doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 30. There are full grown adults who still have rotten friends because they don’t know how to just let them go. We all know this.

But can I tell you what it feels like to live a life free of drama with no one but internally beautiful and honest people? It feels amazing. Uplifting. It eases the difficult journey through life. You don’t need more bumps on an already rocky road.

It’s your right to be happy. And today, I am.

#100HappyDays Day 1

#100HappyDays Day 1

 

I was technically supposed to start this yesterday, but I’ve been sick for a few days and work was craze. Rest assured, I was totes mah goats happy yesterday.

I’m doing this challenge as a way to start of the New Year on a positive level. I’ve ranted and raved about how 2014 is going to be so amazing spiritually, physically, and mentally, and it’s only been a few weeks! After the 100 days are up, I want to print out each post and create a mini book. This way, any time I am down and out or just looking for an extra pick me up, I can open up pages and pages of the things that make me most happy.

Today, I’m going to start with the littlest love of my life who will probably be as close as it gets to having a child. My little kitty: Baby.

baby

She’s sort of hipster sometimes.

Baby was originally my sister’s cat. She got her about 7 or 8 years ago and she was just the cutest! When my sister became pregnant with my niece, she couldn’t keep baby anymore. Something about cleaning a litter box while pregnant can be dangerous? Anyways, I didn’t want my sister giving her to some stranger, so I said I’d take her. So Baby was shipped off to college with me and my friends!

Baby as a baby

Baby as a baby!

I never thought I could love a little animal so much in my life. Sure, I had pets when I was younger, but my mother always cared for them. I SHOULD HAVE cared for them, but I think we are all guilty of doing that with our parents.

BUT MAAAHHHHHHHHM I WANT HIM! I SWEAR I’LL TAKE CARE OF HIM!

(1 months later, your mom is a pet caretaker)

But, no. Baby has been mine for the last 5 years. She’s moved 4 times with me, been my snuggle monster when I didn’t have one, and even been my furry shoulder to cry on. She can tell when I’m sick or sad, and that’s when she gives me the most lovins. She makes a dull day better and a bright day brighter. Whoever decides to marry me is going to have to deal with her. And her fatness. And the fact that she’s only awake for about 4 hours a day.

Baby is one of the many reasons why I am happy.

x

Applause, Applause, Applause

Applause, Applause, Applause

TGIF!

These awards are so sweet. I truly wonder what other people see in me and my word vomit, but I am thankful nonetheless.

Liam, you are one sweet dude. If you haven’t checked him out already, do it.

From what I’ve read, this Liebster Award is for bloggers to interact with each other, get lesser known blogs seen, and also find out a little bit about the award winners that might not be originally known.

Now, I’m supposed to answer these 10 questions. *Breathes deep* Damn you, Liam. You’ve got some tricky ones.

1. How are you, really?

Honestly, I’m probably the best I’ve ever been in my entire life. I am so aware of myself and the world around me and I’m finally beginning to deflect negative energy in a way that always keeps me smiling, even through stressful times.

2. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

Angelina Jolie in the character of Lara Croft from Tomb Raider playing me, Lara.

3. What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

My routine is run right down to the minute. Wake up 6:50 AM, bathroom/get ready time, scramble 2 egg whites and one egg while toasting 1 piece of wheat bread. While I’m cooking, I get 1 banana and 1 yogurt out, put the coffee in my mug, and pack the snacks. Chug 2 cups of room temperature water while scarfing breakfast and then I’m out the door at exactly 7:47 AM. On Saturdays and Sundays, the only thing I accomplish is waking up at about 2 PM in The Drummers bed.

4. Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

I don’t believe in cut and dry sexual orientation and I certainly don’t believe we choose it. I’ve had a girl crush once before in my life. Does that make me gay? Maybe .001%. Did I choose that? Not at all. That’s life, guys.

5. If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

To sing. I love to sing and I’m pretty good at it, I just have no classic training and I’d love to see what my chords could really do.

6. What’s your earliest memory?

When I was about 2 or 3, my mom was giving me a bath in the kitchen sink. I was holding a mermaid doll and I looked up at my mother and said, “Hey momma. You know why the water is so yellow? Cause I peed in it.” Then she slapped me. End memory.

7. What’s your favorite part about today so far?

That it’s Friday and I get to see my boy tonight.

8. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?

Jesus. I’d be star struck.

9. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go and why?

I’d go to either Europe or Africa. Europe is home to a bunch of countries I’ve always wanted to visit, but Africa has Egypt. I am just in love with ancient Egypt and would love to see the pyramids and pharaoh tombs.

10. If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?

My life has been absolutely wild in 25 short years and I’ve always wanted to write a book. My mother jokes with me that it should be called “All Out of Options” and that’s been the most descriptive title thus far.

And now, the nominees for Favorite Bloggers With Less Than 200 Followers Are:

1. Whiskeyinateacupp
2. Pizzaofdoom
3. Stupid Cupid  I still have to do a shout out post to these ladies for the swag I received last month! I’m slacking I’m slacking!
4. The Infinite Abyss(es)
5. Spinning Lolo
6. Dating Mr. Mom

Everyone else I wanted to nominate either had over 200 followers or were already nominated. And then I realized I don’t follow that many blogs. New Resolution: FOLLOW MORE BLOGS.

Alright, yo. Here are my questions:

1. If you could be any character from Winnie the Pooh, who would it be and why?

2. Donald Trump, Lindsay Lohan, Dennis Rodman. Marry, Kill, Fuck. GO!

3. What was the last song you listened to?

4. If you could get one thing out of life, what would it be?

5. If you were on a desert island, and could only choose one luxury, pizza or bacon, which would it be? And for the record, bacon pizza is not an option.

6. Describe yourself in one sentence.

7. How old do you think you were when you first became the person you are today?

8. What is your biggest fear?

9. If you could visit any planet, which would you choose?

10. If you could witness any event, past present or future, which would it be?

 

As always, thank you so much for nominating me Liam.

I love my fellow bloggers.

And I fucking LOVE Fridays.

Peace out, yawl xo

You Are The Answer

 

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
-Buddha

Throughout my life I’ve known many who were broken. They’ve felt helpless. Alone. Insecure. And distant to themselves and everyone around them. And they’ve continued to feel that way because they don’t want to admit that they need to look inside themselves for happiness. They spend their entire life waiting for someone to save them. Someone. Anyone. Even external forces. This is where they’ve become stuck in the mud.

Nobody can make you happy.

Sure, they can make you happier. But, true happiness and contentment comes from inside yourself. You have to put work into it. You need to feel, be present, reflect, and dig your heels so deep in the dirt that your ankles become sore and tired.

That’s true struggle.

Overcoming those obstacles and loosening yourself from the tight grip of sadness and destruction is where you can find your light at the end of the tunnel.

But to do all this, you need to stop looking for others to do it for you.

We all know that person. You may be that person. I used to be that person.

The one who will be in a relationship with anyone just to avoid loneliness.

The one who clings to their friends like a last lifeline.

The one who chases danger, but mistakes it for excitement.

All these people have one thing in common. They’re trying to fill a void and gain happiness through anything other than their inner self. Do you think they’re actually happy though? Probably not.

If only these people put as much effort into themselves

as they do clinging to other people and things, they would find what they are looking for.

Doesn’t that make sense?

This is a great year and time to get to know yourself better. If you haven’t already, start doing some soul searching. Even if you’re not broken or lonely. The more aware you are of yourself, the more prepared you will be when life gets twisted.

Love yourself. Truly love yourself.

Love those around you, but don’t use them as tools that control your emotions.

A friend is just that-a friend. They are hands to hold. Not crutches to walk with.

Time is always of the essence. Be sure to use it wisely.

xo.