words to live by

Love After Love

It’s been a few weeks. Maybe a month. My apologies – I’m terrible at keeping up!

However, there’s something that I’ve been dying to write about – because this is my space – my internet journal, if you will – and I need to write it down as an insurance policy, in case I ever forget.

Since my ex, I’d been anxiously pondering what love would feel like after the first one. After the first heartbreak. Would I remember what it felt like? Would it feel the same? Would I be scared?

Well, on our anniversary last month, The Drummer told me he loved me. It was something I wasn’t expecting, but I was ready for. Prior to our anniversary, people started asking me if I loved him. I told them I didn’t know – mostly because I didn’t want to say it out loud. I didn’t want to jinx it. My ex was the first and only person I ever said I love you to- I said it first – and dammit, I swore I’d never say it first again. For several months I’d been quietly looking at the Drummer while we’re laying in bed together and just thinking the words in my head.

I love you.

But I refused to say it out loud. I didn’t need to. I knew how I felt, and not saying it was okay. Because showing it matters more.

But low and behold, on our anniversary night when I was about to fall asleep, I asked him to give me a hug and kiss goodnight because he wasn’t tired yet.

He laid down and looked at me.

You know I love you, right?

What? Huh? Yeah, I know.

….Wait, did you say you loved me?

Yes!

I honestly thought I didn’t hear him right. I didn’t want to respond without being 100% sure I heard him right. Of course, I told him I loved him too. Because I do. Every bit of him. He’s been the kindest, sweetest man, and has treated me better in this little-over-a-year that anyone has treated me in my entire lifetime. We aren’t perfect – but we’re happy. And affectionate. Yet have the perfect amount of space between us to the point where we always miss each other. It’s absolutely lovely.

And in that moment – in that few seconds where our hearts were all laid on the table, or the bed if you want to be technical, I knew it was possible. Yes, Lara. You are able to love again. And it’s real – and true – and genuine. And because of that moment and this relationship I will always remember my capacity to love does not end with one person. To many, that may not be a big surprise but to me it means the world.

I am the proof, my friends. Feeling love after such a tremendous heartbreak is possible. And to answer some of my own questions, it feels the same and different all at the same time. The same because when I look at him I want to just melt with happiness, but different because it’s a more mature kind of love. It’s a more appreciative love. Because I know nothing in this life is every promised to us and we don’t know what tomorrow brings. I refuse to go to bed angry, or leave without telling him I love him, or even without thanking him for something simple like getting me a glass of water. It’s so important to do those little things because that’s what keeps love alive.

Love is a verb. It’s an action. And just because you feel it for someone doesn’t make it constant. You must work at it. Nurture it. Help it grow. And don’t ever stop. Whether you are 17 or 70, loving someone is still something you must do. Many people forget that and let it fall apart at the seams. If you try your hardest and it still falls apart, so be it. But if you let it, shame on you. Because love is one hell of a feeling. And I’ll never forget that again.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my followers. If you don’t take anything from this post, at least take some love from it, because I have plenty to go around. From my heart to yours, Namaste.

Random Wisdom

 

“Life is a beautiful web that holds together all of the bits of your existence to make one entire masterpiece. You’re never done spinning. You’re never done dreaming. And you’re never done painting. Be life’s artist with me and create something so magnificent, that you will always remember how time is of the essence.”

I copied this quote from another post I did months ago because the sun is shining today and I think it helps shed light on our inner selves-not just the outer world we live in. In the most sincerest way possible,

Have a lovely Friday, WordPress. You rock.

You Are The Answer

 

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
-Buddha

Throughout my life I’ve known many who were broken. They’ve felt helpless. Alone. Insecure. And distant to themselves and everyone around them. And they’ve continued to feel that way because they don’t want to admit that they need to look inside themselves for happiness. They spend their entire life waiting for someone to save them. Someone. Anyone. Even external forces. This is where they’ve become stuck in the mud.

Nobody can make you happy.

Sure, they can make you happier. But, true happiness and contentment comes from inside yourself. You have to put work into it. You need to feel, be present, reflect, and dig your heels so deep in the dirt that your ankles become sore and tired.

That’s true struggle.

Overcoming those obstacles and loosening yourself from the tight grip of sadness and destruction is where you can find your light at the end of the tunnel.

But to do all this, you need to stop looking for others to do it for you.

We all know that person. You may be that person. I used to be that person.

The one who will be in a relationship with anyone just to avoid loneliness.

The one who clings to their friends like a last lifeline.

The one who chases danger, but mistakes it for excitement.

All these people have one thing in common. They’re trying to fill a void and gain happiness through anything other than their inner self. Do you think they’re actually happy though? Probably not.

If only these people put as much effort into themselves

as they do clinging to other people and things, they would find what they are looking for.

Doesn’t that make sense?

This is a great year and time to get to know yourself better. If you haven’t already, start doing some soul searching. Even if you’re not broken or lonely. The more aware you are of yourself, the more prepared you will be when life gets twisted.

Love yourself. Truly love yourself.

Love those around you, but don’t use them as tools that control your emotions.

A friend is just that-a friend. They are hands to hold. Not crutches to walk with.

Time is always of the essence. Be sure to use it wisely.

xo.

Unlikely Gratitude.

I am thankful.

 For my troubled childhood;

it has made me a stronger adult.

 To know what death feels like,

because it taught me how to live.

For every cut, bruise, and scar,

there is a reminder of lessons learned.

For every tear drop on my pillow,

there came the victory of a smile.

For every negative person who has passed through my life,

you showed me how to walk away.

For even the most torturous heartbreak,

I was given a chance to exude unconditional love.

Every yell, scream, and shout I’ve heard,

has taught me how to practice patience.

***

To be thankful for unlikely experiences is a victory in itself.

Every ounce of pain has entered me into life’s game of challenges.

And I am grateful.

For every bit. Every crash. Every bang. Every shake up.

Because through the fog of negativity,

A strong woman breaks through.

Just because the journey can be blind to the eye

Doesn’t mean it cannot be seen with the soul.

I always know it will be okay,

and for that, I am thankful.