whiskey

The Saddest Break Up Tale.

We were together for years. And over the last few months, my heart has been breaking piece by piece.

The others were never good enough. They left me with a bad taste, and I knew my nights with them would never last. They were most certainly one night stands, and for a while, I felt like that was all I’d ever have.

But then, I saw him and experienced all of his glory.. He was one of very few words. He never spoke back, got sassy, or told me I was wrong. Actually, being with him made me feel so right. He lifted me up when I was down and made me fly when I was already high. And for the first time in my life, I thought I had met my match.

It wasn’t until early this year, when I started changing my life around that things got rough with us. I began trying to be healthier, and in turn spent less time with him. I think the distance made him angry – because every time we actually got together, it was short lived and I always went to bed alone with a sick feeling in my stomach.

It wasn’t until last month, when I thought I’d give it one more shot, that I truly knew it was over. I thought it would be sweet to spend the Halloween weeks together in Salem Massachusetts, where celebrating before the actual holiday wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary.

We had dinner, which was lovely, and everything went fine for a few hours. We met again at a tavern and I thought the chill running through me was just from the cold. But alas, it was not. I got home and felt that same sick, sad feeling in my stomach. I could hear him yelling at me as I wept and vomited in the bathroom.

YOU’RE NOT THE SAME! YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME ANYMORE, CAN YOU?

And just like that, I knew. No, sir. I cannot handle you anymore. My healthy lifestyle has torn me from your sweet aroma. My clean body and mind makes it difficult to spend any reasonable amount of time with you. It hurts to be without you, but it hurts more when I’m with you.

We had many great, wonderful years together. I’ll never forget how happy he made me feel. I’ve started moving on, slowly but surely, and I know that even though we aren’t together, I’m in a great place in my life. Time will only tell if we ever meet again. Maybe a short embrace here and there, but that’s all we’ll ever have between us.

Jameson, I will always love you. Thank you for the time we did have. Until we meet again.

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Weekend Update & Merry Christmases

Happy Monday!

 

And Christmas Eve Eve of course!

This weekend was filled with The Drummer and last minute Christmas shopping craziness.

Friday was The Drummer’s work Christmas party. I had already met a lot of his co-workers, so it wasn’t too overwhelming. It was open bar-beer and wine-which was a really good thing because I don’t think those peeps are ready for my whiskey induced demeanor. I definitely got wasted off of Blue Moon, though. God, the last time I got drunk off of beer was on college when I used to pound Natty Ice’s like it was going out of style.

 

I actually had a really good time! I think everyone liked me, which must have made The Drummer feel more at ease. I’m very sociable so I didn’t need him to hold my hand the entire time. In fact, I threw it down on the dance floor for a little bit while he was having an in depth conversation with someone. I mean, I’m all up for meaningful convo, but if Ke$ha and Pitbull comes on, I’m there. All up in it.

He’s coming to a New Years Eve party with me to meet MY friends next week. He hasn’t met anyone from my circle yet and it’s been driving me CRAZY. I need my friends’ approval before I move any further with him. Especially, Taco. He has a really good intuition about people, so I know if he approves-I’m all set. It’ll make me feel a lot better to know my friends like him. I am a little nervous, though. We’re way crazier than the people I’ve met on his side. However, they are just his co-workers. I don’t know what his friends from home are like. Who knows, maybe they’re just as nuts. All I’m saying is, Mr. Drummer, you better get ready. Me and my friends get down. And yes. You’ll be seeing me with a bottle of whiskey in my hand at all times.

Before I sign off for the holidays, I need to make a statement:

I AM CONVINCED THAT WALMART IS THE SEVENTH GATE TO HELL.

 

I had to go to NOT ONE but TWO Walmarts yesterday and for someone as sweet as me, I wanted to punch everyone in the face. Everyone.

All the people who almost hit me in the parking lot.

The two bros who felt the need to shake hands right in the middle of where I needed to be driving through.

Every DAMN person who gave me a dirty look or bumped me in the hip with their carriage because I was “in their way.”

Like, yo. It ain’t my fault you chose the Sunday before Christmas to get ALL your shopping done in one night. Chill the eff out.

Since I probably won’t be blogging again until the weekend, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas (and whatever else you may celebrate or not celebrate this time of year). The next few days will be filled with tons of cooking, drinking, and presents, but the most important part of my holiday is the people I share it with. I have so much to be thankful for and I think I’ve touched on it many of those things in past posts. At this point in my life, I am so unbelievably happy.

Whatever you’re doing this week, please be SAFE. Drink responsibly and always make sure you have a sober ride home. That’s not a request, it’s an ORDER.

Love you all.

Be you.

Be free.

Be wonderful.

xo

Weekend Update & Blogging Sabbatical

Happy Monday! This is going to be a quick post today & possibly my only one of the week. I have a ton of work to get done since I’m getting surgery tomorrow-but more on that later. I gotta update you on Date #3!

My list of rules were totally reasonable from Friday. Did I adhere to every single one of them?

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Come on, guys. Don’t you know me by now?

Friday was my third date with The Drummer. Well, not exactly a date, but our third time hanging out. I stayed at the college he works at and drank/hung out with all his co-workers. It was a little nerve wracking at first because I didn’t know what to expect or how many people were coming. I asked, but he was pretty vague about it.

When I arrived, we had a little time to catch up and talk about our weeks. Then, two of his friends show up. Okay, not too overwhelming. I’m pretty sociable and sometimes my discomfort comes off as awkward humor, which everyone is amused by. So pretty much, it looks like I’m like I’m trying to be funny. YES.

After about 20 minutes of the friendly meet and greet EVERYONE else shows up. Like, another 12-15ish people. THAT was the overwhelming part. Everyone knew each other and they were all excited to get drunk since the dorms were empty. Luckily, a lot of them were super nice. One guy turned to me and told me to tell him a great story, so I shot back with a “I went to dinner with Bobby Orr once.” That was a great ice breaker.

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Side note: I was like 9, so it wasn’t a date or anything. I won a contest. But still, a pretty neat story.

Luckily, I hit it off with everyone. I didn’t get too drunk because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself so I was the perfect amount of myself AND drunk for people to get a good idea of who I was as a person. Let’s be real though-I mostly hung out with the guys and smoked cigars outside while drinking my Manhattans. The guys made sure to text The Drummer later on to tell him they loved me.

I definitely followed a good chunk of my rules. At one point, and a few Manhattans later, I did do ONE penis joke and I just stopped halfway and thought to myself “Dammit, Lara. No penis jokes. NONE.” So I kind of saved myself. But I definitely didn’t drink whiskey from the bottle and I only shook my bum for ONE song and no one saw.

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However, there was one rule I broke that I wasn’t too upset over. Since I had such a long drive home, I ended up sleeping over and…

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I’m sorry guys. That’s all I can give you. Since I actually like this guy, I figured I should be polite and not write about personal stuff with him. As much as I LOVE documenting my sexcapades, this one isn’t a onenight-gonna-blog-about-it-stand. But on a scale of one to ten it was a——

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I’m really happy in this moment. I mean, a little fearful of this whole situation. I haven’t really developed feelings for anyone since my ex and seeing the way The Drummer looks at me brings me to this weird place where I want to let him in, but I have these subconscious walls up that, at the moment, I don’t have control over. And I don’t want to control them right now either. They’re defense mechanisms and they keep me grounded. But I digress-that’s a sappy post for another day.

Anyways, I have surgery tomorrow. I’m getting gum grafts on a few teeth. It’s basically when they cut the skin from the roof of your mouth and put it where your gums should be. I had it done back in July and I ain’t even gonna lie to you-it fucking hurts. A LOT. I don’t wish that upon anyone.

And you know what really pisses me off? The fact that your dentist and periodontist will tell you it feels like “a pizza burn.”

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LIARS. JUST PLAIN OLD LIARS.

For that reason, they put you on two levels of pain medication. Because it fucking hurts. I’ll be on a strict diet of Chobani and double doses of Vicodin (that’s how to really get those pain killers working) for 4 days, so I may not be in my right mind to post anything for a bit. Who knows though-maybe I’ll get all pain med high and start rambling on Thanksgiving about how grateful I am to be alive and then start crying on my laptop. It’s me, so anything is possible.

I’m staying at The Drummer’s after surgery. He offered to take care of me for the night, which was super sweet. He’s leaving to stay with his family for the holiday week, so I wouldn’t get to see him until next week if I couldn’t tomorrow. If the guy can handle me with a swollen mouth and yoga pants, then he can handle me through anything haha.

Even if I’m not posting, I’ll still be reading yours! I need something to do while I’m in bed in massive amounts of pain. Make ’em good!

Have a fabulous Monday everyone! xx

Eat That Up, It’s Good For You

I have a slight obsession with Two Door Cinema Club. They came to Boston in October and by the time I tried to get tickets, they were sold out for ALL THREE DAYS. Lame. I’ll see you soon, boys.

Date #3 with The Drummer tonight. I guess it really isn’t a date, per say, but I’m going up to the school he works at to hang with him and his co-workers. All of the students go home for Thanksgiving break today, so the staff gets together and celebrates the night they leave. Shit, I would too if I couldn’t get drunk on campus all semester long.

Kind of nervous to meet all his co-workers and friends. I know I’ll be fine because I’m really sociable, but it’s the whole drinking thing that gets me. Sometimes when I drink, I can be a little too “Lara” and I’m not ready to show his inner circle that, especially with first impressions. But dammit, he bought me fancy whiskey so I have to create some guidelines for my behavior.

So tonight, Lara:

No drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.

No rapping ANYTHING from The Slim Shady LP, unless requested without mentioning.

No penis jokes, unless otherwise specified.

If there’s music, don’t shake your bum. Just don’t. Please. This isn’t a gay club.

I think if I adhere to this simple rules, I’ll be okay. I don’t want to drink that much anyways because I’m really counting on driving home. Trying to keep up with this “dating and waiting” ordeal. I have faith. I think.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Be safe.

Be free.

Be you.

Be wonderful.

xo

Dates & Gays: Weekend Recap

Ayyyy WordPress. Missed my little corner of space. Lots to update on, but first, I need my caffeine to kick in. I got NO sleep this weekend. Friday I didn’t get home until about 3 in the morning and Saturday I got in at 4ish. I’m getting too old for this. I remember staying up all night during college and going to class the next morning without even a yawn. Not anymore.

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Saturday Recap: Boston’s Gay Nightlife

Oh my God. Saturday was SO much fun. We hit up downtown Boston for Epic Saturdays at the House of Blues. Out of all of the gay clubs in Boston, that has GOT to be my favorite. The bartenders are incredible, the music is off the heeeeazy, and the club goers are super positive, awesome people. I don’t think I’ve met one person I didn’t like there.

The best part has to be the go go dancers.

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These men are beefy, pretty much naked, and their dance moves will make you rethink your religion. There was one dancer that kept eyeing me all night so I whipped out a dollar and danced over to him. He straddled me with glowing muscular legs and let me put the dollar in his eheem barely there “underwear.” After I gave him the dollar, he looked at me, shook his head and said “No, no. You come here.” So he pulled me closer to him and put my face right where the sun don’t shine. He threw a towel over my face and gave me the dance of my life. I laughed for about 10 minutes after that. Best experience of the night. To the go-go dancers of Boston: You rock my world.

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We spent a good hour in the city after the club closed just screwin’ around and talking to people. On the walk back to the car, we saw a group of people jumping some guy. Since I had quite a few drinks in me, I started to walk towards them until my friends intervened, “Lara! This is NOT your problem. Please. Please don’t do anything.” My friends are quite familiar with how I sometimes fight dudes. Once I got close enough to the group, I heard someone say, “He punched a girl in the face!” so once I heard that, I backed away. I wasn’t getting physically involved in THAT. Instead, I let a cop know about the fight once we got further enough away from the crowd of people. I did my duty, but I wasn’t going to risk my life to protect someone who hits girls. Once we got home, I downed a bunch of whiskey and passed out. NOT a good idea guys. I was hurrrrrting yesterday morning.

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Friday Recap: Date #2 with The Drummer

I spent my Friday night with the lovely Drummer. We went to an Irish Pub I chose closer to where he lived. It was a comfortable place and not too crowded in the beginning of the night, so we had tons of time for good conversation. The food was really good and the drinks were fabulous (though it’s hard to mess up a Jameson and ginger ale, it’s still possible). I honestly had such a great time you guys. It was a little weird-driving there I honestly thought this second round was going to be a disaster and I’d realize that I actually don’t like him and we’re not as similar as I thought, but it was the complete opposite. We were way more comfortable with each other since it was the second date and we talked throughout the week. He’s just so..positive. Like, not even in a cliché way. He told me from the get go that he never gets mad and I honestly think he’s serious.

We talked about everything you’re NOT supposed to talk about on a second date-politics, religion, etc. We just kind of laughed it off because for an inappropriate conversation, it was so intellectually stimulating. I don’t believe in those types of dating rules because if someone has opposing views that are not accepted by one or both parties, then might as well get it out of the closet as soon as possible. The Drummer and I have different opinions on those touchy topics, but neither of us feel like shoving it down each other’s throats. He completely accepts my views and thinks they’re interesting and worthy of my opinion and I thought the same as him. Religion isn’t a deal breaker with me as long as you don’t try to change MY mind. I’m a very spiritual person and that’s something very close to my heart. As long as that’s understood, I’m fine with whatever you believe.

Throughout the course of the night, more people started piling in and a DJ *RECORD SCRATCH* a-girl-wearing-no-pants-and-playing-music-from-her-computer started playing music and we people watched as loads of drunk people started dancing. It was odd to see an Irish Pub turn into a sort of dance party in mere minutes. It wasn’t very cool, but entertaining at least. I loved watching the girl to my right, drunk off of Mike’s Hard Lemonades, drop her beer bottle mid hip swing and pretend like it didn’t happen. Oh please girl. Go on with your bad hard lemonade self.

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Once the lights turned on and we realized the bar was closing, we decided we drank a little too much and should walk it off. We spent the next hour walking around the neighborhood and talking. It wasn’t too cold out, so the fresh air was actually nice. As we were walking down one of the streets, he stopped me and we kissed. A lot. I think we stayed in that spot for the rest of the time we spent outside. It was so nice to be with someone who just wanted to kiss you and not steal your underwear or lose a tooth or have your brother call my mom a diiiiirty girl. Not to say it wasn’t steamy as all hell. TRUST ME. From a girl who has the mind of a man, you have NO idea how hard it is to be good while “dating.” But as hard as it was (no pun intended), I stuck to my plan and made an easy breezy exit so we didn’t start getting any ideas. I like this whole dating and waiting thing. It’s a challenge, but it’s fun. And it keeps things exciting. Who wants to have all of their mysteries out in a second? That’s boring.

So Date #2 was a success. I really do like him and spending time with him. I wish school didn’t take up such a big part of my life because I’d opt to see him more, but until December 22, I’m married to my homework. But that’s okay. We talk a lot. And he’s interesting. And sweet. And genuine. And actually wants to get to know me. This is definitely all new for me and a little scary since I had a really rough break up earlier this year, but I think this is exactly what I need. Whether or not it lasts, at least I know little spurts of fireworks can actually happen. We’ll just have to see.

Today I just pray that I don’t fall asleep before work is over. I need another coffee.

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The Friday Experience

Happy Friday, guys!

A little feel good beats fo’ yo’ ears.

I really wanted to change the name of this song to “Boston girl” but it just doesn’t jive.

I’m entering in costume contests all weekend so I’ll try to take some good pictures to share with you all. Especially while I’m in the city tomorrow. I have a feeling my friends and I are going to wreak havoc in the most unusual ways possible. I’m almost positive I’ll have great stories and GIFs for you on Monday.

To all of my fabulous readers,

Be wonderful,

Be free,

BE SAFE,

Live for the thrill of it,

And just be you!

Have a great weekend! xx

Throwing Myself Into the Shadows

Happy Thursday Ya’ll!

The end of the week is approaching, but I’m so excited I just gotta do my happy dance eaaarly!

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I’ve got so much going on this weekend, but it’s my favorite holiday (eehem HALLOWEEN), so I’m pretty pumped. My friends and I bought tickets to this Halloween event in Boston on Saturday. $25 entry and you get free food AND open bar. Plus, my friend’s friend is going on vacation this weekend, so she’s letting us stay at her place in Boston that night so none of us have to drive. Woop Woop!

Tomorrow’s my sister’s birthday celebration and we’re going to a hookah/karaoke bar for drinks and a costume contest. I usually don’t put much thought into my costumes, but I had a Halloween epiphany a few months ago so I’m ready. One of my best friends from college stayed the weekend and we took her out for a night on the town. It was three ladies in the city and we took it by storm that night. I woke up the next morning and the first words I said were, “I literally feel like a pharaoh today.”

BAM. Halloween costume done. Well, I’m not really going as a pharaoh, per say, because I really didn’t like their fashion gear (no offense, Meryt-Neith-you had it goin’ on!) So I’ve decided on Egyptian Princess. I’m not sure which one yet. I have a few lined up, but I get really into character for Halloween, so I want to do my research first. I just love the concept. I mean, I’m 50% Middle Eastern, so I already look 50% the part. My mother gave me a necklace she got from Egypt when she used to belly dance there, so I have something original to add. Throw in some overly priced head dresses and wrist bands, and I’m totally from Egypt. Instead of buying the expensive, yet cheaply made costume, I found my dress at TJ Maxx for $30. The dresses at the Halloween stores were SO crappy looking and I’d be spending $60 for a dress I’ll never wear again. I fell in love with this gown from TJ’s and it’ll definitely be worn for non-Halloween events as well.

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I practiced my make-up the other night. You can see the trial in my thumbnail, which brings me to my next discussion:

I’ve gone anonymous.

Well, kind of. I mean if people really wanted to, they could search through my very first posts and find a few photos of me, but I had to change my picture and all that jazz because I’ve been noticing several people are stumbling upon my blog through Google and Yahoo! search engines (which sort of freaks me out that I’m on the first page of these searches). I work for a Franchise 500 company and as much as I’m pretty honest with my work, if my managers ever read my whole blog, they might choke from their own gasps.

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Panty thieves?!?

Mind blowing sex?!

Yeah. There are some things I’d rather just leave for the imagination with my management team.

 

In other news:

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Yes. You heard it hear first. I caved. Again. It’s been almost two months since I began my date-cation and I’ve had lots of clarity. I’ve also been all sorts of lonely. LM still texts me from time to time to see how I am, but I don’t understand his reasoning. I’m just cordial because I hate ignoring people when they text me, but I haven’t made any advances to see him again.

I started back up on OKC because I luckily only know maybe 2 guys on there. I hated the other sites because I legit knew more than half of the potential guys and it wasn’t giving me any choices for fresh faces. The only guy I know on OKC is one I went to kindergarten all the way through high school with (and we never talked). Yes, he messaged me. And no, I didn’t message him back. I wanted to be like, “Really, Chris? You’ve known me since we were 5 and have never spoken a word to me. Get to steppin’.”

I’m only talking to one guy as of now. Hm. Pseudo name, pseudo name, what shall you be? Actually, come to think of it, (that always reminds me of a stand up comic who used to say “imagine if you actually had to come to think of it?”), I don’t remember his real name. Well, I’ll give him the name Mr. Drums just to be quick about it. He’s 27, has his Masters in Economics (smarty, farty pants) and has played drums since he was ten. BUT HE’S NOT IN A BAND! YAY! I specifically asked him if he was because I really need to lose my musician taste in men. He’s super intelligent and our conversations are both intellectual and witty-which is  a HUGE requirement for me. But, we all know how this goes. I’m not getting too excited because I’ve just had the worst luck with online dating. I’m taking it as it is, but being VERY picky as to who I go on a date with. If I even have so much as an inkling that it’s going to suck, I’m not going. I’ve been striking out so bad, if I keep this up, I’m going to pull a Michelle Tanner on every single future date.

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I’m hoping to try and get together with this cat next week sometime. Between school and work, I don’t know where I can fit dating in, but I know two things: It’s getting cold outside and I’m super lonely. Here we go again, guys.