happiness

Frosty Windows

IMG_9558

Though it seems Autumn may signify the death of nature,

it does not.

It preserves – it protects – it strengthens.

The trees still stand tall,

and below the Earth’s surface lies the warmth that we all hold dear to our memories.

Do not fear or dread the winter chill or the long haul of darkness.

Preserve – protect – and strengthen yourself

so when the trees bud and the flowers grow again,

you may grow taller and stronger than the year before.

Embrace the frost.

Embrace yourself.

And though your skin may be cold, keep your heart warm.

Life your life with peace,

and with the certainty that much is uncertain.

Advertisements

Because It Feels Right

May is my absolute favorite month. And not because it contains the anniversary of my birth. In fact, I sort of dislike my birthday. But anyways, May. Spring. Sunshine (sort of). Even the rain is tolerable. By February/March I am more done with the winter than Kim and Chris Humphries were done upon engagement. I wasn’t meant for cold and dark – I was meant for sunshine. And today is no exception to that.

I sat outside my car on my lunch break and let the sun beat down on my face. I was crying this time last year. I was hopeful, but lost. Happy, yet sad. Yearning but had given up. I was everything that I’m not today, but somewhat exactly the same.

Because I’m unsure about the future. Where will I be in 5 years?

OLD. (No offense. Let me vent).

Hopefully not alone. Though with the amazing people I have in my life, I know that will never be the case.

Stronger? I’ve been lifting. Shoot, it’s amazing what eating healthy and working out can do to your body. In 5 years from now, I better be a freaking rock.

But regardless of all my whereabouts in 5 years, I have other things on my mind. Things that actually matter.

Like how wonderful it is to see trees budding and blooming.

How Orion is hiding itself from the night sky until next winter.

And how at least once a weekend, I get to see a lovely man.

The Drummer.

Woof.

He’s one sweet thing.

Every now and then I catch my mind wandering to where this is going. If he’ll leave me like the ex. If his infatuation will just [poof] disappear. Or rather, if mine will ever as well. I don’t stay too long in that section of my brain because doubt and anxiety do nothing for my esteem and will do certain damage to my current relationship.

We are never meant to know what tomorrow will bring. And that’s what keeps me smiling. Tomorrow could be a disaster. Or it could be the best day of my life. If in this moment I feel happy, then I will soak this feeling up because being present is better than longing for yesterday or praying for tomorrow.

My birthday is on Sunday, but technically it’s on Friday and Saturday too. Friday I’m spending with The Drummer because during college move outs he can’t leave campus, which means my birthday celebrations will have to be without him. But we’re going to have a little celebration just us two, which I’m so excited about. Saturday will be spent with the friends. We’re going to Howl at the Moon, a dueling piano bar in Boston (and other major cities) and wreaking havoc somehow, someway. I always plan some sort of over drinking event for my birthday because I try to forget that I’m a year older. That’s why I HATE May 18th. Because it makes me a year older. And life feels like it passes by so quickly that I don’t have enough time with it. With my twenties. With freedom. I know I’ll get over this ” I don’t want to get old” phase eventually, but dammit I don’t want to.

On Sunday, my actual birthday, I’m planning on spending it like any other Sunday. I’ll work out for a few hours. I’ll prepare all of my lunches and snacks for the following week. And probably cry, because it’s birthday tradition. But the tears will fall a bit lighter this year. Last year the last thing I remembered the night before my birthday was seeing my ex walk away. Ugh, what a memory. This year, I plan on my last memory to be with some pretty amazing people.

And next week, Pennsylvania bound again! That’s for certain. And another certain I am so passionate about – warm weather is coming.

New Hurr Don’t Curr

#100HappyDays Days 17-19

I know it sounds awful, but I just haven’t been in the mood to write lately. Besides my happiness challenge, I have so many ideas to write from, it’s just a matter of finding the motivation. I don’t know what happened along the way. It may be just because I’m busy. Work has been killer and then I get home and am in workout mode, so by the time I’m done my day, it’s time to sleep all over again.

It could also be the fact that I’m technically blind as of right now. My vision has diminished drastically in the last few years. It’s come to the point where I have daily headaches at work and can’t see peoples’ faces from about a 10 foot distance. Yikes. I have my eye appointment next Wednesday, thank God. I’m going to run right into the optical store after and push down anyone in my way. THESE GLASSES ARE MINE!

Anyways, enough with my poor writing excuses. I have a challenge to tend to.

Day 17. New Hair Don’t Care.

unnamed

I needed a change. Badly. I decided to go for the kill and dye my hair red. Sort of. Yah know, half of it. This is the before and after.

Day 18: Shortest Day of My Life

Sunday was spent with The Drummer. We stayed up so late on Saturday, that we woke up at 2 PM yesterday. Yesterday was the shortest day ever considering my lack of sunlight, but I got to come home and watch the nugget and put her to sleep. That innocence is enough to put anyone in a good mood.

unnamed1

Day 19: Jillian Michaels, I’m coming for you.

I’m trying out Jillian Michael’s Blast Fat Boost Metabolism workout today. It’s free on YouTube and burns around 450 calories right out of your gut. It looks challenging, so I’m pretty pumped. Along with weight lifting and piloxing, I like to switch around a cardio routine-changing every week-to keep my muscles wondering and to keep me from getting bored. I don’t know about you, but when I can memorize a workout, it becomes tedious.

By the way, did anyone see the Biggest Loser Finale? I’m not sure how I feel about the winner. I’m 5’5″ and if I were 105 pounds, my bones would break. I do understand that working out so much on the show and everything can impact your weight the opposite way of gaining it. She might just have more work to do to balance out healthily. What do you guys think?

But honestly, the reactions from Bob and Jillian (and even the chick behind them) is PRICELESS. GIF-city.

40ebbcfe-f769-4004-887d-a7e85414393e_rachel-biggest-loser-v2

I could watch this all day.

x Happy Monday x

Day 16: Friday. ‘Nuff Said.

#100HappyDays Day 16

Fridays,  weekends, boyfriends, drum lessons, dance music, Persian Zumba, red wine, best friends

(not in any particular order)

Have an absolutely beautiful weekend.

“Our prime purpose in life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

-Dalai Lama

Snow Days & Thank Yous

#100HappyDays Days 14 & 15

untitled

It’s no surprise that Snow Days can make someone so happy.

Nothing got me feeling more like a high school kid than my boss texting me about our office being closed. I spent the day doing various healthy activities: Persian Zumba (Holy Calorie Burn, Batman!), steaming vegetables, pastel drawings with my little nugget niece, etc. It was a great day despite a slight case of cabin fever that I cured with my Taco and some singing bowl meditation. Day 14: I kicked your ass.

I wanted to take today’s happiness post as a chance to do a shout out to all of you. My internet homies.  You lovely, amazingly beautiful honest creatures whom I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the past several months.

Chris, for nominating me for yet another Dragon’s Loyalty Award.

My friends.

Most of all, my followers.

Words cannot describe how I feel when I see these complete strangers have added me to their follow list. It’s a plethora of emotions, let me tell you. I get all excited that someone else gives at least one single shit about what I write. But then as I see all the numbers add up, I get anxious about how I’m going to continue.

How many times can one write about the experience of pain?

Who wants to actually read about the 100 reasons why I’m happy?

I don’t think I’ve been getting drunk enough lately.

The days where I feel this anxiety are the days I fall silent on my little blog. I can’t write when I’m freaking out about what to write. It makes it less fun and less therapeutic.

The same happens when I’m singing. I can be in the total groove of things and record tons of songs, but once I start to lose my mojo and I screw up for no reason, I get frustrated and just stop altogether. It’s even worse with singing. I’ve sung the same songs for years now and I’m still unsatisfied. That’s life I suppose.

But for today, scratch all that.

I just want to acknowledge all the wonderful people who come and visit my crazy, word babbling, all-over-the-place blog. Thank you for sticking with me through my ADD writing and through the happy times, as well as the pain.

Especially the pain.

I think with every single feeling and emotion, pain is the one that brings humans together the most. I know I do it with other blogs. When you read a post where that person is sharing their tears with you. Their fears with you. Their inner most demons. You get that empathy flowing and you just want to run all the way to the other side of the planet and cry with them.

That’s human love right there, folks. That’s what togetherness is all about. 

And as much as flipping through the news makes you feel like it’s gone, it isn’t.

WordPress is one of those places where this phenomenon, this global consciousness takes place. And that’s one of the reasons why I love it so much. It’s one of the reasons why I love all of you so much. You’ve shown me that people are still beautiful.

I hope I’ve lived up to my blog for you. I hope it’s a place where you can come to laugh, maybe cry a little, feel sort of uncomfortable, and get inspired all at the same time.

Life is a beautiful web that holds together all of the bits of your existence to make one entire masterpiece. You’re never done spinning. You’re never done dreaming. And you’re never done painting. Be life’s artist with me and create something so magnificent, that you will always remember how time is of the essence.

Wish that I could stay forever this young

Not afraid to close my eyes.

Life’s a game made for everyone,

and love is the prize.

Mondays & The Smell of Snow

100 Happy Days: Day 12

“He said, ‘There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live.'”

-Dalai Lama

Since beginning this challenge, I’ve had to face Mondays head on. I usually loathe this dreaded day of the week.

The beginning of the week.

Where in the shit brains did I leave off on Friday afternoon?

The weekend is SO far away!

I’m convinced, if we just eliminated Mondays and replaced them with a much suitable day, much like Doug Funnie did back in the 90’s, we’d be better off. Quail Man had defeated the evil Dr. Bone after he tried getting rid of weekends altogether. However, the heroic Quail Man prevailed, and he even added that extra day of the week I want so bad, Funday.

Unlike Doug, I don’t want to add a day.

Just replace it.

With a non work day.

So I can do nothing.

Well, I’d work out, but other than that, nothing.

I remember going to a Jamie Cullum concert a few years ago and meeting the band afterwards. It was back when I worked in the dreaded retail world and I had work the next morning, on a Sunday. When the band asked what I was doing later on that night, I told them I had work early the next morning and had to go home.

Work? On a Sunday? You Americans are odd.

It was then that I did a little mental foot stomp because I felt like life wasn’t fair because I had to go chop corn at 6:30 in the morning the day after trying to get drunk in Boston.

Yo, Jamie Cullum’s band. You’re right.

Fast forward a few years and here I am, with the same hatred for Mondays that I previously had for Sundays. But because I’m challenging myself to being happy everyday, I thought I’d take another approach to Mondays and I found out while falling asleep last night, that they aren’t that bad. I decided to put together a list of things that I like about Mondays:

1. They usually FLY by.

Much like right now. It’s already after 2 o’clock, which means I have less than 3 hours until I leave. I can dig that.

2. I’ve had 2 whole days to relax and take my mind off of the corporate world.

At 5:00 PM on Fridays, I am shut off from here. Any sort of anxiety I had about not getting something done, or a hard time I was having gets put into the back of mind and doesn’t resurface until 8 AM on Monday. Sometimes, not until 10 AM.

I had an amazing weekend with my Drummer man, so that took a lot of the “almost” steam I had coming out of my ears last week. Trying to be happy for 100 days can be tough during the busy season. But I did it. And hangin’ with my main squeeze totes makes it that much better.

3. The beginning of my workout week/”me” time

Mondays mark the beginning of my workout week. I workout about 4-5 days a week, and usually give myself Fridays and Sundays off, as well as Saturdays if I’m visiting my dude for the weekend, so I get really excited to start back up with my routine. Clean eating and sweating my ass off. Frigg. Yes. Plus, I lost another lb. last week, so every weigh in motivates me for the following week.

Mondays also tend to be my “me” nights. I get out of work, do my health-tastic thing, and then it’s just me. In my room or woman-cave, recording music or catching up on TV. Nothing is better than alone time. Legit. Nothing.

and finally..

4. Time flies. No, seriously.

I know I always say that the weekend is SOOOOO far away. But it’s not. In fact, I want the weeks to slow the eff down. The end of every week is just that. And only 4 of those weeks make a month. 12 months later, a whole year has passed. Is anyone else totally blown away by that? Time is flying by. I remember being 21 like it was yesterday. I think that’s when my time perception sped up. Up until then, the days, weeks, and months dragggged. Now I’m trying to hold on to them for dear life. Stop that time. You crazy sonofabitch.

So there. This is some MAJOR progress in my happiness project.

Liking Mondays?

I swear I’m not high, guys.

If I were, I’d probably be more like “Mondays are a draaaaaaaag man. Ash that and pass that.”