city girl in the country

City Girl in the Country Part…5…I think?

City Girl in the Country Part...5...I think?


We all know how much I love this day of the week.

Cue Batman and Robin.


I’m only working a half day today. Once that clock hits 1 PM, I’m off to Pennsylvania to hang out with my favorite people in my favorite county. Bags are packed and in my trunk. I forgot to buy whiskey at the liquor store yesterday, but these people thrive on whiskey so I’m sure I won’t be without. They have corn whiskey down there, which is clear (da fuq?) and tastes like absolute crap. However, the drunk you get from it surpasses all the other drunkenesses in the world. It’s like crack in a bottle. Honestly. Sometimes I wonder if there really is crack in it because I can’t fall asleep after.

That picture is totally me, by the way. Who thought it was a good idea to give a girl in a leather jacket an assault rifle?

The only time I’ve ever shot guns (besides paintballs and water guns) is down in PA. The first time I shot one was with this small handgun. I had my heart SET on shooting a gun all weekend and right before we were about to drive back to Boston, my friend Matt takes out the little beauty and lets me give it a go.

He stayed outside with me while everyone else watched behind the glass sliding door in the kitchen. I didn’t even hesitate. I’m all like “Yo. I can shoot a gun. I went paintballing a few times like a boss.”

As soon as Matt gave me the gun, I aimed for the cornfields and pulled the trigger.

First thing: HOLY HELL. That shit is LOUD. I honestly thought I blew my ear drum out.

Second thing: Right after I realized I didn’t go deaf, I was on such an adrenaline high that I turned to my friends and started jumping up and down, waving my arms (the one with the gun in it included) all around screaming “OH MY GOD I JUST SHOT A GUN! OH MY GOD I’M SO BADASS!” As I’m waving this gun around like a fool, I notice all my friends turning pale as ghosts. They looked at me like they were hostage negotiators.

“Lara, put the gun down. Stop waving it around like a crazy person.”

How I thought I looked:

How I actually looked:

Yes, ladies and gentleman. I almost killed my friends.

Luckily for me, and well, everyone else, Matt only put one bullet in the gun. He KNEW I was going to do that. He just laughed, “I don’t know why, but when people shoot a gun for the first time, they ALWAYS wave it around after.”

I have some smart friends.

I’m beyond that now. I moved up to assault rifles. The M16 was my absolute favorite. It was pretty comfortable for a big gun. I shot a few more, but the force was INSANE. The kickback and sound alone was enough to scare the shit out of me. I can’t WAIT to shoot some more this weekend!

I’ll try to update you guys on the trip, but when I tell you it’s in the middle of nowhere, I sincerely mean that. I barely even get service. But if not, I’ll get back to ya’ll on Monday. <–Practicing my country talk.

Oh Pennsylvania. The place where I'm made fun of for not pronouncing all my "R's" and where I make fun of them because the closest mall is an hour drive. We're totally even.


Back to Reality & Life Updates

Hey guys! Sorry I’ve been MIA for the last few days. After intense preparation for the wedding and the actual celebration, I’m back to reality-sitting at my desk-waiting for 5 o’clock so I can go home and nap. I’m EXHAUSTED!

PA was so much fun! As you guys saw from my last post, it was a total country style wedding. Big open area, lots of moonshine, and more kegs than people. It was pretty funny because I knew absolutely no one besides the people I came with and we were referred to as the “city girls” the entire time. For someone who doesn’t enjoy attention, it was a little nerve-wracking to have all eyes on me ESPECIALLY since I forgot I had to say a speech and after about 10 beers and some moonshine my name was called-front and center. I did great though. The alcohol helped me stay cool, calm, and collect, and everyone enjoyed my speech. I even had me a southern boy for the evening which made my night that much better. HOWEVER, he has not stopped talking about me since I left yesterday and he’s a little bit too smitten with me so I had to tell my friends down there to let him down gently. I definitely didn’t lead him on. I let him know that it was just a fun night and nothing else and plus-the guy lives 6 hours south on a farm. How do you think that will pan out? Haha, oh well. I showed him how Boston does it and I think I made my city proud. I think I scared some of the older folks with my dancing, but sorry-not sorry. That’s how I get down. I even have TONS of battle wounds from that night. I slammed my thumb on a porter potty door and split my thumb open and bled all over my beautiful dress. CLASSY. That’s how I do. Besides a few bruises on my legs and some scratches, I made it out of PA alive and with plenty to talk about for months to come.

SO- I deleted all of my online dating accounts. Honestly, I’m just exhausted from all of the dating and I start school next week so I just need a break. Match was a total bust-total waste of my money. I exchanged maybe two messages with ONE person and that was IT. The only guys who messaged me were CRAZY and I had to block them because they messaged me EVERY DAY. Like, really? Do I only attract the crazies? Ugh. As for my free sites, I did have more luck on them but I was just really disappointed with the online dating experience altogether. None of the guys were actually how they portrayed themselves on the site-both with looks and personality. Now, I’m not vain-I’m just human. There has to be a physical attraction somewhere. But to post pictures of yourself from YEARS ago-that’s just messed up. How can you not think that I won’t notice? I’m not perfect-far from it actually. But, I actually post pictures from the last few months of myself AND I don’t lie about my height or weight. Once again, so deceiving. Same thing with the personalities. I’ve just realized that texting and even phone conversations just don’t really show what type of person you are. Now, I’m not saying this doesn’t work for anyone-just not for me. I need to see you, feel your energy, and have an actual real life conversation in order for me to consider another moment with you. I did go on a date the night before I left and it went okay-to the point where I’m willing to have a second date with him. He was cool and easy to talk to. Plus, I know pretty much all of his friends because I used to hang out with them YEARS ago. He’s a video editor for a big news station around here which is pretty sweet. Drives nice cars and owns his own condo-which I’m definitely not used to someone that well off, but I’m not judgmental or money hungry so dollar signs mean nothing to me. But the kicker? Dude lied about his height! WhYYYYYYYYYY?!??!?! It’s like, I won’t care that you’re not as tall as other guys. And if a girl does care, then she isn’t for you. I am giving him another chance because I understand that guys are just as human as girls, so their insecurities are just as prevalent. But dude. Lie to me again-and you’ll never see this face again. Alas, I’m sticking to meeting people in the real world from here on out. Online dating-as much as I’ve had lots of stories and many laughs at others’ expense, you are just SO not for me. Until hologram dating comes out, I’m jumping out of the pond until I see something worth fishing for.