Faith and Doubt and the In-Between

I’ve never reblogged Matt before. But this…I just needed this today. Amazing writer. Amazing blogger bud. And just one down right amazing person. You do have a purpose, Matt. Every breath you take is more important than the last. Thank you for writing this today. And Happy Easter to you too.


When I Grow Up

I’ve found as of lately that there just aren’t enough hours in the day or even week. It’s definitely not a bad thing. I love being busy-that’s one thing I’ve always been. But with work picking up due to this POLAR VORTEX (I’m sorry, but I love saying that because they make this situation out to be sci-fi-ish), I’ve barely had time to catch a breath. Things at work are finally starting to die down since the freezing/thawing temperatures aren’t as intense, so I finally have a little time today to get my WordPress on.

When the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve, I felt a shift within myself. I know it’s cliché, but I feel like I will awaken more than I already have this year. I certainly feel happier and most importantly, more motivated. But motivated for different reasons.

I am my niece’s Godmother, so on holidays (though I don’t resonate with Christianity too, too much) I feel compelled to bring her to church with me. I don’t want to force a religion on her, but I do want to give her a loving platform to practice some sort of faith-since that’s so important to me. I don’t judge anyone on what religion they are as long as it’s a peaceful and harmonious one, and I want my Goddaughter to be able to choose what she feels the closest to.

I only attend on certain holidays and I spend the entire hour and a half deep within my own mind trying to put the pieces together. I attended mass on Christmas morning with the little nugget, as usual, but this Christmas I had an epiphany that lifted much of the world off my shoulders.

I’ve always wondered why a career wasn’t THAT important to me. Mostly everyone I know has either gone to college and made it big or they at least have some sort of career path lined up that they are ‘destined” to accomplish.

I never really stressed out in college. Even now, going to school for HR, I’m sort of just doing it for fun.

My problem doesn’t lie in my freaking out over what I’m going to do with my future.

My problem is that I’m NOT freaking out over my future.

Why don’t I have a professional passion?

Why don’t I have a plan?

So on Christmas day, these were all the things I thought about while I stood and sat. Stood and sat.

Then finally, it dawned on me.

I don’t have to be passionate about something professionally. I don’t have to want to be a huge HR manager or some big wig anything.

My passion is living. It’s life. It’s giving love to all of the people around me. THAT is my true passion. It’s not pushing paperwork or making phone calls or trying to impress my boss for a promotion. And even though that might not sound revealing to all of you, to ME, it meant the world that day.

Sure, I need money to live. That’s what a good job is for. I’m in school right now so I can get a better paying job. But other than that, a job is nothing more than another task to accomplish in a day. As long as I enjoy being there, I don’t really care what I do or where I work. When I finish school, I am going to find something that I love to do and that will pay me enough to live well, but I refuse to let it define who I am.

I don’t want to live for work. I just want to work to live.

My passion lies in seeing the world. Spending my life with someone I love. Volunteering. Helping others. Learning to cook the most amazing foods. Making sure I tell everyone close to me that I love them. And, maybe, a 9-5 with a good vacation policy thrown in the midst of all that living. I mean, children scare the hell out of me right now but who the hell knows?! Maybe I’ll pop out a kid or two or adopt one with no home.

This realization made my future finally at peace. When we were young, everyone in our lives wanted to know what we wanted to be when we grew up. Careers are for some people. Living is for others.

I don’t judge anyone else’s dreams. Some peoples’ definition of happiness lies in what they do with their careers. That’s completely fine. I just realized that isn’t my definition and I need to stop worrying that I don’t care as much about my career as other people.

I know now that my dream, my vision, and the answer to that question from childhood is just to be happy.

That’s all. Simple to some. To me, it’s my entire life.


You Are The Answer


“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

Throughout my life I’ve known many who were broken. They’ve felt helpless. Alone. Insecure. And distant to themselves and everyone around them. And they’ve continued to feel that way because they don’t want to admit that they need to look inside themselves for happiness. They spend their entire life waiting for someone to save them. Someone. Anyone. Even external forces. This is where they’ve become stuck in the mud.

Nobody can make you happy.

Sure, they can make you happier. But, true happiness and contentment comes from inside yourself. You have to put work into it. You need to feel, be present, reflect, and dig your heels so deep in the dirt that your ankles become sore and tired.

That’s true struggle.

Overcoming those obstacles and loosening yourself from the tight grip of sadness and destruction is where you can find your light at the end of the tunnel.

But to do all this, you need to stop looking for others to do it for you.

We all know that person. You may be that person. I used to be that person.

The one who will be in a relationship with anyone just to avoid loneliness.

The one who clings to their friends like a last lifeline.

The one who chases danger, but mistakes it for excitement.

All these people have one thing in common. They’re trying to fill a void and gain happiness through anything other than their inner self. Do you think they’re actually happy though? Probably not.

If only these people put as much effort into themselves

as they do clinging to other people and things, they would find what they are looking for.

Doesn’t that make sense?

This is a great year and time to get to know yourself better. If you haven’t already, start doing some soul searching. Even if you’re not broken or lonely. The more aware you are of yourself, the more prepared you will be when life gets twisted.

Love yourself. Truly love yourself.

Love those around you, but don’t use them as tools that control your emotions.

A friend is just that-a friend. They are hands to hold. Not crutches to walk with.

Time is always of the essence. Be sure to use it wisely.


C’est La Vie


“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”

-C. JoyBell C.

This quote gave me the chills this morning and slightly moist eyes. This year has been filled with so many ups and downs, but love could always be found at the core. To the end of 2013. To the beginning of a new year.

 We’ve been given the ultimate gift- to live

We are all destined for greatness.

Do not fear the unknown, for as long as you have love in your heart and a positive mind,

your soul will take you to exactly where you need to be.

Happy New Year, WordPress.

Unlikely Gratitude.

I am thankful.

 For my troubled childhood;

it has made me a stronger adult.

 To know what death feels like,

because it taught me how to live.

For every cut, bruise, and scar,

there is a reminder of lessons learned.

For every tear drop on my pillow,

there came the victory of a smile.

For every negative person who has passed through my life,

you showed me how to walk away.

For even the most torturous heartbreak,

I was given a chance to exude unconditional love.

Every yell, scream, and shout I’ve heard,

has taught me how to practice patience.


To be thankful for unlikely experiences is a victory in itself.

Every ounce of pain has entered me into life’s game of challenges.

And I am grateful.

For every bit. Every crash. Every bang. Every shake up.

Because through the fog of negativity,

A strong woman breaks through.

Just because the journey can be blind to the eye

Doesn’t mean it cannot be seen with the soul.

I always know it will be okay,

and for that, I am thankful.