End of Winter Limbo

March 21st.

That’s the last time I’ve blogged. I sometimes wonder what has gotten over me.

Last year I was writing DAILY. The creative juices were flowing like freshly squeezed OJ.

Lack of material? I don’t know. I suppose. Last year I was a serial dater and an avid dancer/city girl extraordinaire. With school, working like crazy, and cold weather, I’m much more of a homebody.

But there’s SO many things I want to write about.

Lack of time? Probably so. School has consumed me these past 5 weeks. I only have 3 more left until I take the summer off, so it is my duty to myself to blog more. To write more. There’s so much going on inside this brain of mine. It’s not like I have lost my thoughts. Or have I?

A lesser anonymity? I let The Drummer read my blog a while ago. I don’t know if he keeps up with it currently, but every now and then I’ll tell him a story and he will reply with the fact that he read it already. Hah. For that reason, I’ve sort of stopped writing about post break-up things though I long to do so. I’d feel awful if he read some of it and took it personally. Like, I shouldn’t still be grieving over my last heartbreak whilst in a new and blossoming relationship. Or should I? Can I? Can I still be hurt at times though I’m fully present in my current relationship? I don’t know the answers to these things, I’m inexperienced in this whole realm of life. I don’t think he’d mind but I’m cautious to ask. Well, I suppose if he reads this then cat’s out of the bag.

The only other person I trust with the URL to my blog is Taco. He’s the only person in my life that knows my thoughts from the very deep depths of my psyche. Some days I have so much to let out. Some days I’m just numb because I’m busy. But on the days where I do want to get things out on here, I hesitate because of who will read my blog. It’s not that I’m trying to keep anything from my relationship with The Drummer. It’s just, I feel like it isn’t fair that he gets to see this side of me – this side that I don’t get to see from him. Knowing someone face to face is so much different than knowing someone’s words. Someone’s writing. It’s more intimate. There’s no holding back. At least when you are face to face, you [should] think before you speak. Here, in my little blog space, I don’t really do much thinking before I write. Of course I think about my topic-that sort of thinking. But, I don’t hold back. Most of the time I feel like I’m just talking to myself. I forget that I have an audience. And then all of a sudden I look at my stats and I’m all like WOAH! I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT COUNTRY EXISTED AND SOMEONE FROM THERE READ MY BLOG!

These are issues I need to weed out soon. Because nothing feels better than to write the words that are stuck inside my head all day. I’m surrounded by people that love me daily, but sometimes I feel misunderstood. Or just down right weird for that matter. That’s why I love my blog. Where my weirdness can go into archives.

So I shall write more. When my creativity comes back and I stop being a wuss about what my boyfriend will think of me if he reads my weird shit. And when the weather gets warmer. I know it’s technically spring, but can New England get a little warmer please? Thanks.

Sorry for the word babble. I missed this. And all of you. I still read. Just not as frequent as I should be.

Love your life and most importantly yourself. x

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6 comments

  1. People should appreciate you for you you are and what you do. Things could come up, i.e. “Why didn’t you tell me this?,” and it could create a brief strain, but it can be ironed out. A close friend of mine has a blog, and she writes anonymously. The fact she uses blatant truths about her and her boyfriends (especially names) could come back and bite her. Regardless, stay true to yourself and your partner should appreciate you for it.

    Hope all is well! I send you my best regards.

    1. Aww Chris! Thank you so much for that. That’s what my friend told me last night when I told him I finally blogged. All is well, Chris. I am planning on being a very productive blogger this summer! I want to start adding my own photographs. If you’re going to see the world through my words you might as well see it through my eyes 🙂 I’ve missed you! xox

  2. I’ve been in a recent rut without much to write about, myself. Which may be a good thing. Stability can be comforting.

    Don’t be insecure about grieving over your ex. Everyone grieves at their own pace, irrespective of current relationships. Grief is a selfish thing, it has no use by date and isn’t really about your ex as much as it is about you and your feelings anyway. I think that we tend to be closed off to boyfriends/girlfriends about that kind of stuff because there’s a lot to lose if they take it the wrong way and you don’t really know each other super well yet.

    It’s weird when people you actually know read your blog. I don’t think I could deal with that. I like my little bubble of anonymity. Still, it’s someone you’re dating and you’re letting them into your private thoughts, which is pretty big. That can totally make you vulnerable. I dunno what to tell you if he already reads this blog. Make him start his own? 🙂

    1. I always love your input mike! Totally makes me feel better. It’s true. I mean, I’m not grieving per say, but yeah – my heart was thrown out last year and I’m still picking up the pieces. Luckily I’m fairing better than others because I know my self worth and I know it’s just a ripple in life’s waters. And THANK YOU! Reading a blog is a big deal. My brother wanted to read it and I was like UUUUUUUM NO.

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