I Can See Clearly Now

I got new glasses yesterday. I happen to be pretty much blind as a bat – near and far sighted in each eye, a different prescription for each. It’s insane that I’ve gone this long without specks. Got my reading ones last week and the all the time ones yesterday.

So I pick Taco up after work for our Wednesday workouts. I’m raving on and on about how I can’t stop looking at street signs and far away font because I can actually read the words.

“Oh my God, Taco. I can see so much better now, I—-aaaaaaaaand there’s [ex].”

Yup. Whilst raving about my new clear vision, I get a clear view of my ex driving by me.

It was weird.

I haven’t seen him since last May, when he almost ruined my birthday.

He showed up to the bar 10 minutes before closing.

Drunk.

And took me outside and called me pretty.

And then said how sad this was.

We stared at each other for the last 10 minutes. Hugged.

And then turned around and walked away in totally opposite directions.

I shit you not. That’s what happened.

Thanks bro. Happy Birthday to me.

Yesterday stung. Just a little. Just a tiny little pea pod of a little sting.

Not sure if that ever goes away.

It was just a reminder of what feeling something was like.

Every now and then I catch myself numb about love.

I like my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong. He makes me smile. A lot.

And I am so happy with our little relationship.

But I still have this wall. This shield over me.

And it protects me so much that I know if anything were to happen to us, I would be bummed, but not broken.

I know I can only hold a wall up for so long.

And I don’t want it to fall on me.

I want it to be taken down gracefully.

But we’re not there yet. And that’s okay.

Yesterday stung for a second, but I laughed for 5 minutes after.

I think that’s a good ratio. Word. Up.

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9 comments

  1. Yeah, I think that wall is what kept me from really hurting about this last breakup, and why I still want to talk to her as opposed to erasing her from my everyday life.

    It’s kind of a blessing and a curse because I don’t think you can really love freely until that wall comes down. All in due time I suppose.

    1. Exactly. I think it’s because I never had a wall before. I never really needed a reason to have a wall. And my wall is kind of protecting me right now. It’ll only come down for the right person. And that’s okay.

  2. I feel you girl. Every now and then it stings for me a little as well thinking about my ex, but then I remember he’s in the past for a reason, as is your ex and things are SO much better now! I will always say we gotta go through the bad ones in order to appreciate the good ones (:
    I miss you! I haven’t been on wordpress in so long and I hope you’re doing well and you and your boyfran are amazing! Hugs!

    1. Ahh I miss you too! I know, I’ve just really been reading. I seem to only right when I’m deep in thought, which with this busy schedule seems to be less and less. I think the summer will pick up again. That’s when I started blogging a lot. Hope all is well on your end 🙂

  3. Why do certain exes have that power no matter how long it has been. Really need my eyes testing. I daren’t go, as I know what the outcome will be.

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