Mr. Old Creepy Man

I’m alive! For reals, yo. Have a quick time for a post. Because I’m Lara, and my life is full of craziness, why not add a super creepy stalker to the mix as well?

Back in 2012, when I first moved back in with my family, I had left my bedroom to go hang with my mom. I had JUST finished smoking a bowl so I was all relaxed and zenned out. A few minutes later, I went back up into my bedroom to find several missed calls, voicemails, and text messages from some odd number that I didn’t recognize. The text messages kept asking me if I wanted to sext, so that creeped me out at first. Then, I listened to the voicemails:

Voicemail Number 1:

Old Creepy Man:

(breathes heavily for a few moments) Laaaaahhhhhhraaaaa. Call me back. I’m horny.

Voicemail Number 2:

Old Creepy Man:

(breathes heavily for a few moments and then whispers) I’m touching my dick.

Um. Okay.

Um. Okay.

Voicemail Number 3:

Old Creepy Man:

(breathes heavily for a few moments and then whispers) Caaaaalll me backkkkk.


After trying to stop myself from throwing up because I was not only scared but HIGH and panicking, I went through my phone and called all my friends desperately asking them if they pranked me. Nothing. So, I ignored all of the messages and went on with my life. I think Taco actually called him at some point but nothing came of it.

Fast Forward To: Last Saturday.

I’m working out and all of a sudden, my phone starts buzzing.


I recognized the number because it had an odd area code and the digits were super easy to memorize. Not to mention, I listened to those creepy messages a bunch of times trying to figure out who it was.

So this time, I answer.

Me: Hello?

Creepy Old Man: HI!

Me: Who the hell is this?



I called the phone number back and it rang until it reached voicemail. As I’m leaving him a voicemail that closely resembled the famous phone conversation from the movie, Taken, I receive a text message from Old Creepy Man.


Are you open minded? Be honest.

And then another.


After I hung up with his voicemail, I texted him back, calling him a loser and told him I was reporting the phone number.

Fast Forward To Saturday Night:

11 PM

I’m at the bar with my friends, drinking Patron on the rocks because I was saving calories and sugar without adding a mixer (Yes, I am THAT nutritionally crazy). I was obviously a little tipsy because I had been there for a few hours already AND MR OLD CREEPER MAN CALLS AGAIN.

So I answer.

Me: What the HELL do you want?

Creepy Old Man In His Old Fucking Creepy Voice: Why you gotta go and start problems with me?

Me: Are you fucking serious? You’ve been sexually harassing me for years!

Creepy Old Man In His Old Fucking Creepy Voice: You’ll never figure out who I am. I’m going to be a mystery forever.

Me: Don’t you worry, darling. I will know who you are soon enough.

Creepy Old Man In His Old Fucking Creepy Voice: Babble, Babble, Creepy Old Man Babble…I was drunk, guys. This is where I started getting paranoid and things got hazy. I ended up hanging up on him.

Needless to say, everyone around me at the bar thought I was psychotically yelling at my boyfriend or something. Which is fine. Can’t please everyone.

I went home later on, laid in my bed, drunk as all hell and freaked out most of the night. I got up twice to check all the locks in the house and just imagined what Creepy Old Man looked like.


I ended up googling his phone number and finding 4 other reports from girls around my area getting the same harassing phone calls for the last few years. They’ve reported it to the police and the police have done NOTHING about it. You know, because they’re gonna wait until I’m fucking kidnapped with duct tape across my mouth to do anything about it.

I blocked the phone number and filed a police report. The cop didn’t sound like he cared, really. But I MADE him care.

I was like, Are you gonna do anything about this? Because I want to press charges. And you can’t say this isn’t important because that’s how EVERY HORROR MOVIE AND EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS STARTS.


Little does Mr. Old Creepy Man know, my best friend does skip traces, which means she has a national database where she can look up a number and give me a name and address.

I told the cop that and I let him know I would be calling him with the information because I was sure I would be figuring out who this guy was before they did. Yeah. I legit said that.

So, hopefully, I can figure out who this guy is. I just hope he’s not a predator or wanna-be-murder freshly graduated from Sociopath University. That WOULD be my luck though.

Have a good weekend, guys. I miss you ❤




  1. Dude…. I would be afraid to sleep at night after messages like that. I hope the cops catch this guy and slap him with a restraining order… or no contact order. Whatever. He should be legally prevented from every contacting you again.

    1. Oh exactly! The police haven’t called me since I went to the station last week, but I’m not really surprised. I’m going to find out his information and then I will relay it back to them. Hopefully that helps. Hopefully this guy isn’t a total predator.

      1. I read a blog written by a girl who had to track down a bunch of stuff like this. Most of it she had to gather on her own. I’m sure it’s possible to find this guy and make him stop, even if the hand of the law has to come down on him.

  2. That shit’s fucked up. My god. Fair play to you for how you dealt with it. But I’d ignore it. No good can come from provoking someone who has stalked you to that degree already. You don’t really want to find out where that could end up going. But agreed, fuck the police. They won’t do a damn thing. Worth finding out who it is if you can, totally. Can you block his number or anything like that?
    Totally miss you!

    1. UMMM TOTALLY miss you too! I have an iphone and there is an option to block phone numbers so I blocked him from calling me, which is nice. He can’t contact me whatsoever. This is totally my life though lol

  3. I can completely understand why you want to take matters into your own hands. But think about the way this guy has acted in the past. Do they sound like actions of a balanced guy? Please don’t do anything crazy and go round there if you do find out where he lives. Sorry to sound like your mum. Just looking out for you.

    1. Yeah, the only thing I’ll do when I find out who he is will be to give the info to the police considering they haven’t contacted me since I made the complaint! Oh well. I’m totally not going to go all Lara Bad Ass on him I swear! LOL

  4. It’s a shame. It’s funny that police do their job. This is particularly scary and it is threatening, and it’s especially true since you don’t have any connection with the caller, who clearly keeps doing this. This is unrelated, but my buddy’s car was absolutely totaled by a driver who took off after the accident. Not only was my buddy’s car destroyed, but his car was hit hard enough to do damage to his girlfriends, in front of his. The police did not consider this an important case, and ignored it.

    We don’t sign wavers with the city, county or state saying that we are going to be liable for circumstances. The police are here to serve and protect, that should be true about all cases. What if my friend was getting out of his car when this happened? He could have been killed. Anyone could have. It’s apparent that many police departments are combining because of lack of funding or work.

    Ah, that’s my rant. I hope this dickhead stops creeping on you. Get a new number if it gets worse and the police don’t do anything. Only give the number to certain people and see if it happens again. If not, go all Liam Neeson on him.

    1. Hey! I LOVE rants. Luckily, iPhone has an option to block a number so he can’t contact me anymore. I’m still working on finding out who he is. I’m not going to do anything except give the information to the police, considering they haven’t contacted me since I went there.

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