#100HappyDays Day 3-5: Worth the Weight

Happy Monday Everyone! I tried my absolute hardest to get on here over the weekend to update my 100 Happy Days, but fortunately I was out and about. Yah know, being happy? The whole point of this challenge?!

I had a college reunion with a bunch of my old friends. We haven’t all been out together in years, so it was absolutely amazing to take a step back in time (yet old enough to drink) and get wild with my lady friends. That was totes a day full of happiness.

Sunday was spent with those said friends, getting breakfast at our old hot spot and then making my way home to my lovely family for a day full of reorganizing my LIFE. When I moved home with my parents last September, I thought it was only going to be temporary, so I just sort of just shoved my life into boxes and stuffed them in closets. Well, after over a year of shopping and shopping and (you see I have an issue) more shopping, I ran out of room to put all my crap so I completely revamped my room and threw some serious junk away to make it more of my own space.

Yesterday’s happiness definitely had to go to my family. I appreciate them immensely for letting me stay with them, rent free, while I pay for current college, pay back my last degree, pay for my brand new car, etc. etc. They don’t suffocate me, I feel like just another roommate there, and it isn’t bad that my mom cooks my dinner and folds my laundry sometimes either. HEY MA!

***

Today’s #100HappyDays post is something a little personal and close to my heart. I wanted to make it up to you guys for not posting this weekend. So without further ado:

.Sorry For The Weight.

I have suffered with body image issues, on and off for pretty much of my entire life. I’ve been battling with my weight for 18 years and it hasn’t been a war that I’ve always won. And it definitely hasn’t been easy.

I wasn’t always overweight, either. I was a twig until I was in second grade. One day, I was playing outside in my backyard while my father was mowing the lawn. All of a sudden, a rock flew out and hit me directly in my left eye. That pain was the worst pain I’ve ever suffered. I threw up for hours after the event because the trauma was so bad and finally my parents took me to the hospital only to find out that I had a cataract in my eye and barely any vision left.

I was in the hospital for over a week and after that I was confined to my bed getting eye drops every 2 hours but not being able to move more than that. No running. No jumping. I couldn’t even bend over to pick something up because the doctors were afraid I would suffer from a detached retina.

Finally after seeing specialist after specialist, one eye surgeon found the slightest bit of sight in my eye and put me in for surgery. I underwent cataract surgery and a few years later, Lasik eye surgery. I still have really bad vision, but that’s for another time.

In those few years that I wasn’t able to do anything that an active child was able to do, I put on a little weight. All I could do was eat, and shit, that’s exactly what I did. Middle school threw some bullies at me, but it was maybe one or two boys at the most. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but it still hurt nonetheless.

By 7th grade, my mom signed me up for a weight loss program and I lost 30 lbs. Throw in some puberty boobs and a growth spurt and I looked pretty awesome.

Cue 8th grade and high school: That all went down hill.

Throughout most of my adolescence, I was in the dark. Drugs. Drinking. Smoking. Partying. I was the wildest 14 year old you would ever meet in your life. I was like a guest out of the Steve Wilkos Show. I didn’t slap my mama or anything, but I definitely hit the bottle hard. This topic will most certainly be covered another time because my story is far too long for today’s happiness tale.

During that time, I blindly ate. And drank. And ate. And ate. Until finally by my senior year of high school/freshman year of college, I tipped the scale at a staggering 210 pounds. To be completely honest, when I looked in the mirror back then, I had NO idea I was that big. I don’t know if it was my adolescent drug induced haze or maybe the beginning of my happy life that distorted my perception of myself, but I’m glad I realize it now.

And here, we have the before picture:

unnamed

Sorry about the awful red streak across my face, I try to keep myself anonymous though I’m sure it doesn’t work too well haha

When I got to college, I had no car. I think that’s what honestly saved my life. I had to walk EVERYWHERE. I had to walk to get food, to go to class, to go to my friends’ houses, etc. It got me moving. WAY more than I ever moved in my life. And by the end of my sophomore year of college, I was getting compliments that completely confused me.

All of a sudden, I started glancing at pictures like the one I just showed you and my jaw dropped.

WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL? DID I REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT?

HOW IN THE WORLD DID I MISS THAT?

IWASAHOUSE.

It was then that I started to care a little bit more about what I ate. It was an extremely slow process. I started out by just paying attention to my nutrition. I mean, it was still college so I definitely had my fair share of pizza, but I traded most things for Smart Ones and cereal after I realized the old me could make a cup of water quiver with every step like I was in Jurassic Park.

Over the years, I’ve learned SO much about food. Nutrition. Good foods. Bad foods. And the scientific reasoning and processes behind everything we eat. I now tailor my diet to my specific personality. I eat all the healthy foods I love, but on Saturdays I get to crack out on pizza. It’s my favorite food, and dammit obesity, you will NOT take pizza away from me.

Once I realized eating right just wasn’t going to cut it alone, I started working out. I’ve been really into it for almost a consistent year, and in and out of the game for a few years. To go from never working out to trying to be hardcore is tough. I HATED working out. Honestly, when you’re fat and tired from walking up a flight of stairs, why in the world would you want to work out for an hour? It took an easing into it and now I love working out. I switch it up all the time and I make sure I’m always having fun.

Now I know I know, where’s the after picture right? First off, I just want to apologize for my Charlie’s Angels stance. I don’t have any social media and it was the only picture I could find with a full body side profile.

And now…

unnamed

That’s me a few months ago. I’ve actually lost 8 or 9 lbs. since then, so as you can tell, the work is never finished. I’m 70 pounds lighter. SEVENTY POUNDS!

It’s been hard. It’s been a long road. I have cried many, many, times, but I am stronger now than I ever was. I have 10 lbs. to go before I am at my dream weight. The weight I’ve always wanted to be. And I think I’m going to cry harder than ever when I reach that. But this time, it will be tears of joy.

So today, I am happy for the determination and hard work it took to get me where I am today with my health. I have struggled with this for my entire life and I probably will continue to struggle with it for the remainder.

But like I always say, life isn’t easy. And if this is a challenge that I have to face to be the happiest person possible, well then,

GAME ON.

 

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10 comments

  1. D’you know what I love about dropping by your blog? (Other than how well you write, obviously)
    I always learn something new about you and get a real insight into who you are. It’s really something quite special about the way you write. I’ve definitely missed reading your blog the last month or two.
    I’m really impressed by your determination and I can tell by the way you write with such passion on the subject that it was the right thing to do for you. You look great, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    1. Aww thank you so much! I figured this little challenge I’m doing with myself is a good way to touch on some serious topics that I’ve wanted to write about for a while. My life hasn’t always been roses and glam. It’s been dirt and filth and ruggedness. I just want to show people that anything is possible. Anything. Thank you for the lovely compliments 🙂

  2. You have an awesome mom. I just had to start by saying that.

    Secondly, Lara, I think you are fabulous and probably will be at any size! You do look amazing in your Charlie’s Angel pose 🙂

    You should totally be proud and happy about yourself because you deserve it. Hard work, determination and dedication will always win out in the end, no matter what. This is so close to my own “Battle Of The Bulge”. You story just inspired me even more.

    Thank goodness for you and your blog because I get to learn just a little bit more about you every time I read it and make my daily visit, so THANK YOU for being YOU!

    1. Aw, Liam. Thank you! YOU inspired me the other day to write about this. I’ve been so on point with my eating and workouts that such health has actually made me literally happy so it was the perfect thing to post about. And thank YOU for being YOU! Honestly. You are the most supportive blogger, and now that I know you’re in this battle with me, we can swap secrets! Muahaha!

  3. I feel your pain and your story! From what I can see you look like a gorgeous girl! haha (: I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, though. If it helps you any I’m going through the same thing! It’s like you don’t realize how much you’re letting yourself go until one day you look in the mirror and you’re like… where did this come from? I think we just get so caught up with life that we forget to take care of ourselves! Good job on all the hard work though (:
    I’m currently hiking two times a week, eating healthy, taking diet pills and hope to get some weights soon! Also asking for a blender to make smoothies to do that as well and a gym membership for my bday! I’m tired of not liking my body and hiding it underneath clothes and crying every now and then. We can do this together, girl! haha. I find that once you start eating healthy though and making that a lifestyle you soon start craving all the junk food as much because of all your progress.
    Amen for pizza though! That’s my weakness too! haha
    Good job with the hard work and keep on with it (:

    1. Ahh thank you so much! Yeah, it’s been a hard road and sometimes I get annoyed when I see someone who is teenie weenie eating their weight in food and not gaining a pound, but I realize some people’s bodies are different. I keep a food journal and it really helps me track what I’m eating and warns me when I’m getting too much or not enough of something. I’ve tried diet pills and honestly, they made me gain weight and constipated. I actually have two full bottles of jillian Michael’s fat burning pills and I refuse to take them because I worked too hard to even gain 1 lb back LOL I’m an eating champ. If you ever need recipes, I highly recommend skinnytaste.com This woman takes all of the food we love and creates a healthier version and she puts the nutrition facts on all her recipes. It’s great stuff. We’re totally in this together!

      1. You’re welcome girl! And right? I totally get mad too! It’s not fair that people have an insanely fast metabolism! Even if it’s a whole bunch of junk food… nothing! I look at food and I gain weight! haha );
        Really? Those pills made you gain weight? Yikes! That’s really scaring me! And yeah, keep the good work up for sure! I’ll have to check out that website, if you think it’s good then it probably is! hahaha so thank you (: and we are! all the way!

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