When I Grow Up

I’ve found as of lately that there just aren’t enough hours in the day or even week. It’s definitely not a bad thing. I love being busy-that’s one thing I’ve always been. But with work picking up due to this POLAR VORTEX (I’m sorry, but I love saying that because they make this situation out to be sci-fi-ish), I’ve barely had time to catch a breath. Things at work are finally starting to die down since the freezing/thawing temperatures aren’t as intense, so I finally have a little time today to get my WordPress on.

When the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve, I felt a shift within myself. I know it’s cliché, but I feel like I will awaken more than I already have this year. I certainly feel happier and most importantly, more motivated. But motivated for different reasons.

I am my niece’s Godmother, so on holidays (though I don’t resonate with Christianity too, too much) I feel compelled to bring her to church with me. I don’t want to force a religion on her, but I do want to give her a loving platform to practice some sort of faith-since that’s so important to me. I don’t judge anyone on what religion they are as long as it’s a peaceful and harmonious one, and I want my Goddaughter to be able to choose what she feels the closest to.

I only attend on certain holidays and I spend the entire hour and a half deep within my own mind trying to put the pieces together. I attended mass on Christmas morning with the little nugget, as usual, but this Christmas I had an epiphany that lifted much of the world off my shoulders.

I’ve always wondered why a career wasn’t THAT important to me. Mostly everyone I know has either gone to college and made it big or they at least have some sort of career path lined up that they are ‘destined” to accomplish.

I never really stressed out in college. Even now, going to school for HR, I’m sort of just doing it for fun.

My problem doesn’t lie in my freaking out over what I’m going to do with my future.

My problem is that I’m NOT freaking out over my future.

Why don’t I have a professional passion?

Why don’t I have a plan?

So on Christmas day, these were all the things I thought about while I stood and sat. Stood and sat.

Then finally, it dawned on me.

I don’t have to be passionate about something professionally. I don’t have to want to be a huge HR manager or some big wig anything.

My passion is living. It’s life. It’s giving love to all of the people around me. THAT is my true passion. It’s not pushing paperwork or making phone calls or trying to impress my boss for a promotion. And even though that might not sound revealing to all of you, to ME, it meant the world that day.

Sure, I need money to live. That’s what a good job is for. I’m in school right now so I can get a better paying job. But other than that, a job is nothing more than another task to accomplish in a day. As long as I enjoy being there, I don’t really care what I do or where I work. When I finish school, I am going to find something that I love to do and that will pay me enough to live well, but I refuse to let it define who I am.

I don’t want to live for work. I just want to work to live.

My passion lies in seeing the world. Spending my life with someone I love. Volunteering. Helping others. Learning to cook the most amazing foods. Making sure I tell everyone close to me that I love them. And, maybe, a 9-5 with a good vacation policy thrown in the midst of all that living. I mean, children scare the hell out of me right now but who the hell knows?! Maybe I’ll pop out a kid or two or adopt one with no home.

This realization made my future finally at peace. When we were young, everyone in our lives wanted to know what we wanted to be when we grew up. Careers are for some people. Living is for others.

I don’t judge anyone else’s dreams. Some peoples’ definition of happiness lies in what they do with their careers. That’s completely fine. I just realized that isn’t my definition and I need to stop worrying that I don’t care as much about my career as other people.

I know now that my dream, my vision, and the answer to that question from childhood is just to be happy.

That’s all. Simple to some. To me, it’s my entire life.




  1. Just to be happy, isn’t that what we all want. It’s what we all say we want, at least. I think you are on the perfect path for your life. Too many people get bogged down with what they think they should be doing, instead of focusing on what they want out of life.

    1. You know, it’s what everyone says they want yet they never go after it. It’s funny realizing all of these little things about life I never thought of. I know I’m on the right path and I’m truly happy with the present self. I hope you are too! 🙂

      1. I am. May I add, don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do. My parents flipped when they heard what I wanted to go to college for. They flipped when I went to study abroad. Honestly, every major decision that has carried risk and the promise of happiness they have taken issue with. No matter what anyone, even those closest to you say, go for it. The only things I regret are those few times where I gave in to the people who told me I was wrong for trying to do what would make me happy.

        it’s not that they don’t care, sometimes it’s hard for people to understand a definition of happiness outside of financial wealth.

      2. Wonderful and wise words. Thank you so much. It’s true. I’ll never let anyone stop me from living my life the way I want to. People get so frustrated with others because they don’t “see it their way.” I’ve never been like that. To each their very own.

        PS. The fact that I didn’t know I wasn’t following you is WILD. Hi, I’m Lara and about a few months too late. Haha

  2. Well yeah, you hit on exactly what I discussed a few weeks ago. Happiness. http://pharmamike.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/strawberry-fields-forever/

    It is absolutely important to live your life in such a way that maximizes your happiness. I would argue that that does include your work, however (unless you get a baby daddy to support you). You don’t have to be passionate about something professionally, but you should. You should enjoy your work. Assuming a 9-5 hour work day, 260 working days per year, and 40 more years of work, you’re looking at 83,200 hours. Do you really want to spend all that time doing something you don’t care about (or even worse, that you hate)? Too many people work jobs they don’t give a shit about, and that’s a waste to me. Find a job you want to wake up and go to every day. Have it reflect your passions. Money is important obviously, but should be secondary.

    1. Yes, yes. I totally remember that post you wrote. Maybe you misread what I wrote? Honestly, being passionate about something professionally isn’t that important to me. For example, the job I have now is great. I love coming into work every day and I love the people I work with. Sure, I need more money so I’ll be getting another job when I finish school, but that’s the future. However, my job isn’t that important to me. It suffices my need for an income and something that I like to do that keeps me busy everyday, but it’s totally not my passion. What I do when I get out of work, on the weekends, and vacations/holidays are my passions. Sure, I like coming here everyday. If they paid me more, hell, I’d retire here. As I said in my post, having a job that I like coming to is necessary to happiness so it’s something that I automatically strive for, but it’s not my passion. As long as it pays decent (I don’t really want the ‘big bucks’) and I like coming there everyday, that’s satisfying enough for me. I’m extremely happy in the present moment. I’m a hard worker, so doing a great job comes naturally to me and my presence here is extremely appreciated. It’s not that I don’t give a shit about my job, I just don’t live for it.

      1. The crux of my argument rests with this: “However, my job isn’t that important to me [and] having a job that I like coming to is necessary to happiness so it’s something that I automatically strive for, but it’s not my passion.”
        I think that in the pursuit of maximizing one’s happiness, this is insufficient. You shouldn’t go to a job that isn’t important to you. It’s the difference between a job and a career; a job is just something to pay the bills, a career is something you invest yourself into. I don’t know very many people at all that love their work, but damn if I’m not going to try.

        You say: “My passion lies in seeing the world. Spending my life with someone I love. Volunteering. Helping others. Learning to cook the most amazing foods. ” Why not incorporate one or more of these passions into a career like working for a non profit, becoming a chef, etc.? I think we should exhibit passion in all aspects of our lives, including our work. Otherwise, why even bother?

      2. Truth, Mike. You bring up good points and I see your side, though there really isn’t a side per say. I think in some ways we are both saying the same thing but in different languages, and in other ways we just have plain old different opinions. Everything I do in my life is important to me, just held with different amounts of importance. Just because my career is #10-ish on my list of life’s passions doesn’t mean I’m going to be an awful employee and not care about it. I always strive to do my best at work, no matter how little or how much pay it is. It’s just my life ethic to do my best in any situation. And maybe someday I will find a way to incorporate a passion of mine into some sort of work, such as a non-profit like you say, but just because I like to cook doesn’t mean I want to do it as a job and receive money for it. I’m a very spiritual person who thinks more about a different plane of existence than Earth and my physical life. It’s just another way of living. Your career is your top priority and I think that’s absolutely wonderful. People such as yourself help the world in tremendous ways. My job is just on a lower level of my totem pole. Maybe someday it will raise up higher, I just choose not to worry about it. Thanks for the input though, I always appreciate your thoughts.

  3. I’m the same way! Still, to this day, I’m not freaking out about my future! I mean, I’d love to major in psychology… but what the hell do I want to do with it? I have NO damn idea! People always ask me, and anybody actually, what we want to do when we grow up and it’s so crazy how people are dead set on certain jobs for years! They know exactly what they want to do, I’m the total opposite! We should just live life and see where it takes us, you never know where the wind is going to blow you! As long as you’re passionate and love life and have a job that pays for what you want to do, then that sounds like an accomplishment to me!

    1. Exactly! I went to college and all it did was put me in debt. I’d rather enjoy life than worry about how much money I’m going to make tomorrow. Honestly, if I had to, I’d live in a damn tent city and eat from my own garden in a nice warm state. I have no worries about money and that sort of thing because to me, it’s all superficial and secondary to the big picture. You’ll find your niche I’m sure of it!

  4. Lara, firstly I have miss you a great deal!

    Then, what you have said (because I imagine you saying it) here is so true. The passion to LIVE. That is such an amazing task and goal in itself because lots of people don’t have that. I think at times the ‘working a job’ takes away our passion to live and we shouldn’t allow this to happen. I was actually telling my roommate the same thing the other day.

    I’m so happy that you have found that motivation and inspiration to live. To be happy and it actually inspires me to do the same because right now I am also questioning whether or not I am truly passionate about what I do for work.

    1. Aww I missed you too!

      Trust your gut and go with what it tells you. If you don’t like your job and you don’t like going there everyday, looking outward might be the best option. Always do what makes you happy. Like pharmamike was saying yesterday, you have to be at work for a great deal of time, you should really like being there everyday!

  5. I have also found inspiration in the new year. I have never really known what I wanted to do when I ‘grew up’. I have always just gone with the job that pays the best readys and hoped I would eventually just work it out one day (I imagine a light buld just lighting up above my head, like in cartoons). Maybe it will sometime between now and retiring.

    On another note, does standing and sitting really help with the thought process? Maybe if you rub your chin too.

    1. See, I used to work at an AWFUL job and once I realized how it affected my life outside of work, I vowed to never choose work blindly again.

      Like I was telling Liam, you have to want to come to work. My job I have now is no where near where I’ll be in a few years, but it’s a great platform because I actually like coming to work everyday. I don’t wake up in the morning and yell WHOOPIE! But after I eat my breakfast and have some coffee I’m like, alright. Let’s do this shit until 5.

      LOL and I don’t know if standing and sitting helps with thinking, but it’s part of the “church moves” so I go along with it so I’m not the only one not partaking. Haha

  6. Oh I am so with you, wise girl. Life is what matters. I got so stressed at work yesterday my sight went in one eye. Today, massive migraine. What kind of life is that? Also people who focus too much on a plan or future put themselves st risk when things don’t go to plan. Which we all know happens. Live your life for you. It is yours, after all x

    1. Girrrrl, I’ve gotten like that before at other jobs. It totally ruins your day. April, I read your post from the other day and I am so unbelievably happy with how much this new year has changed you. You’ve come so far and I commend your chin up attitude. You did it, lady. You freaking did it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s