I’ve found as of lately that there just aren’t enough hours in the day or even week. It’s definitely not a bad thing. I love being busy-that’s one thing I’ve always been. But with work picking up due to this POLAR VORTEX (I’m sorry, but I love saying that because they make this situation out to be sci-fi-ish), I’ve barely had time to catch a breath. Things at work are finally starting to die down since the freezing/thawing temperatures aren’t as intense, so I finally have a little time today to get my WordPress on.
When the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve, I felt a shift within myself. I know it’s cliché, but I feel like I will awaken more than I already have this year. I certainly feel happier and most importantly, more motivated. But motivated for different reasons.
I am my niece’s Godmother, so on holidays (though I don’t resonate with Christianity too, too much) I feel compelled to bring her to church with me. I don’t want to force a religion on her, but I do want to give her a loving platform to practice some sort of faith-since that’s so important to me. I don’t judge anyone on what religion they are as long as it’s a peaceful and harmonious one, and I want my Goddaughter to be able to choose what she feels the closest to.
I only attend on certain holidays and I spend the entire hour and a half deep within my own mind trying to put the pieces together. I attended mass on Christmas morning with the little nugget, as usual, but this Christmas I had an epiphany that lifted much of the world off my shoulders.
I’ve always wondered why a career wasn’t THAT important to me. Mostly everyone I know has either gone to college and made it big or they at least have some sort of career path lined up that they are ‘destined” to accomplish.
I never really stressed out in college. Even now, going to school for HR, I’m sort of just doing it for fun.
My problem doesn’t lie in my freaking out over what I’m going to do with my future.
My problem is that I’m NOT freaking out over my future.
Why don’t I have a professional passion?
Why don’t I have a plan?
So on Christmas day, these were all the things I thought about while I stood and sat. Stood and sat.
Then finally, it dawned on me.
I don’t have to be passionate about something professionally. I don’t have to want to be a huge HR manager or some big wig anything.
My passion is living. It’s life. It’s giving love to all of the people around me. THAT is my true passion. It’s not pushing paperwork or making phone calls or trying to impress my boss for a promotion. And even though that might not sound revealing to all of you, to ME, it meant the world that day.
Sure, I need money to live. That’s what a good job is for. I’m in school right now so I can get a better paying job. But other than that, a job is nothing more than another task to accomplish in a day. As long as I enjoy being there, I don’t really care what I do or where I work. When I finish school, I am going to find something that I love to do and that will pay me enough to live well, but I refuse to let it define who I am.
I don’t want to live for work. I just want to work to live.
My passion lies in seeing the world. Spending my life with someone I love. Volunteering. Helping others. Learning to cook the most amazing foods. Making sure I tell everyone close to me that I love them. And, maybe, a 9-5 with a good vacation policy thrown in the midst of all that living. I mean, children scare the hell out of me right now but who the hell knows?! Maybe I’ll pop out a kid or two or adopt one with no home.
This realization made my future finally at peace. When we were young, everyone in our lives wanted to know what we wanted to be when we grew up. Careers are for some people. Living is for others.
I don’t judge anyone else’s dreams. Some peoples’ definition of happiness lies in what they do with their careers. That’s completely fine. I just realized that isn’t my definition and I need to stop worrying that I don’t care as much about my career as other people.
I know now that my dream, my vision, and the answer to that question from childhood is just to be happy.
That’s all. Simple to some. To me, it’s my entire life.