Giving Hope to the Hopeless: Successful Online Dating

 

Some of my favorite things to read about on WordPress are dating blogs-especially online daters’ posts. Something that was once thought of as a desperate, last-resort attempt at NOT becoming a cat lady or creepy-old-guy-in-the-corner-of-a-dive-bar is now considered the “norm.”

DO YOU HEAR THAT MY OLD LEBANESE DAD?! THE NORM! You don’t have to go round up one of my third cousins to meet me at the alter once I hit 28.

Even when I told my mother about The Drummer, she was SUPER excited.OH! That’s AMAZING! Yer Auntie Judy did that YEARS ago. Put an ad out in the classifieds and she ended up marrying the guy! Imagine that? YOU COULD BE MARRIED!

Relax, mom. You’re making me want to run away from this guy.

Anyways, back to my post.

I’ve made it past 2 dates with someone “normal” from Okcupid and all of a sudden I feel like I’ve been touched by the online dating Gods, grown “beer muscles” and I’ve seen the light, so I want to share all of my Jesus loving dating wisdom with you all.

I wouldn’t consider myself an “expert” on dating, per say, but for the love of GOD I’ve been on enough dates AWFUL dates to consider myself at least a bit more seasoned than your average noob. I’m also very analytical about every step I take in the online dating process, and I’ve found some consistencies with success. Or at least how to not have a shitty date.

When I re-entered the online dating world a few months ago, I was EXTREMELY careful this time around. I followed a careful set of rules and it took me almost an entire month to go on a date. I chose The Drummer very carefully and completely changed how I approached online dating. Even if this thing I have going on doesn’t work out, at least I know I did a better job of finding a potential guy by actually trying a different method.

RULE #1    NIX THE “YOLO” PERSPECTIVE

I know, I know. I could have used a better way of describing this rule without using YOLO, but dammit, this is America and I’ll do what I want. When I first started online dating, I went on several dates with men who seemed good looking and interesting, but there was something that just wasn’t there-even before going on the actual date. I’d say, “Oh, well. He’s cute and nice. I’ll just go on the date to see what happens. It can’t hurt.”

 

YES. IT. CAN. HURT.
You know what hurts? Having that “feeling” and getting to the restaurant and realizing you were right.

You know what else hurts? Having that “feeling” and then THEIR TOOTH FALLS OUT OF THEIR MOUTH.

You know what else hurts? Having that “feeling” and having to tell countless guys that you’re just not into them.

Since the beginning of time, women have had intuition. It’s never failed us and it’s a gift. So fucking use it.

RULE #2    MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH PHOTOS TO LOOK AT

This is a pretty important one (though they really are all important). Online dating is worse than a box of the gamble chocolate you get on Valentine’s Day. You pick out a chocolate that “looks good” but it’s not enough. You need more info. And before you know it, you take that bite and it’s not what you thought it was going to be.

I’ve gone on many dates with guys who only had a few pictures. I’d get all excited, get to the date, and BAM. DUDE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HIS PHOTOS. It’s false advertising. Especially the guys/girls who post photos of themselves from a decade ago. I get PISSED at make-up companies who put falsies on their mascara models, so don’t think I’m singling YOU out.

Dating Tip: If you really want to take a chance with the guy/girl with only one photo, once you move over to texting, start sending a picture here and there of yourself. NOT DIRTY PHOTOS *UNLESS YOU’RE INTO THAT SORT OF THING* but just some “hello” pictures. I’ve done this plenty of times and more often then not, they’ll send you a picture back. That way, you know you’re not talking to some 400 lb video gamer dude in Texas AND you get a real time photo. Not just “one of his best.”

RULE #3        TRY TO GET A SENSE OF THEIR PRESENCE

Now, this sounds like it would be extremely difficult, but TRUST ME. It really isn’t. A lot of people complain about how let down they are when they meet someone online and there’s no connection or they weren’t what they seemed. I’ve complained about this many times until I started trying harder. I’d look at their photos and really try to visualize what it would feel like to be standing right in front of them. This has helped me weed out a lot of potentially bad dates. Try it, honestly. If you concentrated hard enough, I’m sure you could do it. Get that “feeling?” Refer to RULE #1.

 

Dating Tip: Along with this rule, FaceTime or Skype is a GREAT way to get a feel for how it would be meeting in real life. Chemistry is all about how you feel when you’re with that person. It’s an energy thing. You can’t fall in love with a picture. You need to see them move, hear them talk, notice their mannerisms. THAT is what makes chemistry.

RULE #4    A SUMMATION OF ALL THESE RULES: BE PICKY.

To conclude this little information session, I just want to give you two words that sums up this ENTIRE process:

BE PICKY.

Honestly.

People that don’t like seafood, don’t eat lobster.

You’ll never see people who don’t like warm colors wearing orange.

And people who are super against drugs aren’t going to fucking smoke crack.

So, do yourself a favor, and be picky. One of the FEW times where it actually matters. If you really want to JUST SAY YES to the date, go for it. I’m only giving you guys the tips I found were useful.

 

Happy dating. And may the odds be ever in your favor.

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19 comments

  1. Yeah, online dating tends to sting. When I came out as gay, I realized that no one that lived close to me was going to cut it.. I mean, most of the guys from around here are straight anyways, but the gay ones are either pretty and dumb or smart and ugly. Anyways, I signed up for a few sites, and found a few guys. And did I get BURNED?

    I mean, I don’t like advertising, so I don’t write a description or anything (mistake.. you should give people an impression that way as well as with pictures), and I usually have like.. three pictures..

    Sure, I’ve hit gold once, but.. The shit that led up to it? I mean, regular pretty-boy? Blonde and skinny? Most of my online flames saw a mouth they could put their dicks in. And.. that’s what happened, since I used to be desperate for approval..

    So, yeah.. I think advertising yourself in the right way is important too, because then the people who decide contact you is interested in you, and not how you seem from three pictures and a nickname..

    Awesome post! Hope shit works out with you and The Drummer! 😀

    As always, it’s been a pleasure.
    -Evan

    1. Yes. I’ve noticed the gay community has a difficult time with online dating and dating in general. My absolute best friend is gay and I try to help him remember what he’s looking for relationship wise. A lot of men are looking for either 3somes, a one nighter, or a discretion of their homosexuality. If anyone thinks they have it hard, they need to look at it from your perspective. It’s harder.

  2. I just started the online dating thing myself a month ago. Fun times. Fun stories. And by “fun”, I mean, Holy-crap-I-didn’t-know-this-many-weird-people-existed-in-one-place!

    Great post ^_^

    1. Haha! Oh yes. The internet is where you’ll find all sorts of colorful people you wouldn’t have noticed at the grocery store or driving by. The trick is to weed through them and get to the good ones. They’re there, I promise!

  3. That was a very good attempt at narrowing down just what it is about on-line dating that doesn’t hit the nail on the head. That intuition thing is great. Whatever we are feeling about certain red flags are valid.

    1. Yes! I see way too many people just going for it because they think “Oh what the hell, might as well.” But in reality, we already know the answers to our guts. People might not be as discouraged if they tried a little harder. Online dating is not for the lazy!

  4. I’d say you nailed it with “Be Picky” — by listening to your intuition mostly. Your intuition is really just your subconscious picking up and digesting subtle information that your conscious mind hasn’t – always trust your intuition and instincts. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t EVER settle – don’t get “desperate” and lower your standards. There are good women and good men out there – if they were dead easy to find life wouldn’t be nearly as interesting 🙂

    1. Exactly, Mike! Over the summer, I had so many dates where I just thought, Oh what the hell, I’m just gonna do it and it turned out AWFUL haha. The Drummer was the first person that on the way to the date I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up haha. I’d say that’s intuition at it’s finest.

  5. Such good advice here! And YES to the women’s intuition.. it’s so true. And I have been a chronic ignorer of intuition… to my detriment. I am so SO glad it is still going well with the drummer. YOU COULD BE MARRIED! 😉

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