City Girl in the Country Part…5…I think?

City Girl in the Country Part...5...I think?


We all know how much I love this day of the week.

Cue Batman and Robin.


I’m only working a half day today. Once that clock hits 1 PM, I’m off to Pennsylvania to hang out with my favorite people in my favorite county. Bags are packed and in my trunk. I forgot to buy whiskey at the liquor store yesterday, but these people thrive on whiskey so I’m sure I won’t be without. They have corn whiskey down there, which is clear (da fuq?) and tastes like absolute crap. However, the drunk you get from it surpasses all the other drunkenesses in the world. It’s like crack in a bottle. Honestly. Sometimes I wonder if there really is crack in it because I can’t fall asleep after.

That picture is totally me, by the way. Who thought it was a good idea to give a girl in a leather jacket an assault rifle?

The only time I’ve ever shot guns (besides paintballs and water guns) is down in PA. The first time I shot one was with this small handgun. I had my heart SET on shooting a gun all weekend and right before we were about to drive back to Boston, my friend Matt takes out the little beauty and lets me give it a go.

He stayed outside with me while everyone else watched behind the glass sliding door in the kitchen. I didn’t even hesitate. I’m all like “Yo. I can shoot a gun. I went paintballing a few times like a boss.”

As soon as Matt gave me the gun, I aimed for the cornfields and pulled the trigger.

First thing: HOLY HELL. That shit is LOUD. I honestly thought I blew my ear drum out.

Second thing: Right after I realized I didn’t go deaf, I was on such an adrenaline high that I turned to my friends and started jumping up and down, waving my arms (the one with the gun in it included) all around screaming “OH MY GOD I JUST SHOT A GUN! OH MY GOD I’M SO BADASS!” As I’m waving this gun around like a fool, I notice all my friends turning pale as ghosts. They looked at me like they were hostage negotiators.

“Lara, put the gun down. Stop waving it around like a crazy person.”

How I thought I looked:

How I actually looked:

Yes, ladies and gentleman. I almost killed my friends.

Luckily for me, and well, everyone else, Matt only put one bullet in the gun. He KNEW I was going to do that. He just laughed, “I don’t know why, but when people shoot a gun for the first time, they ALWAYS wave it around after.”

I have some smart friends.

I’m beyond that now. I moved up to assault rifles. The M16 was my absolute favorite. It was pretty comfortable for a big gun. I shot a few more, but the force was INSANE. The kickback and sound alone was enough to scare the shit out of me. I can’t WAIT to shoot some more this weekend!

I’ll try to update you guys on the trip, but when I tell you it’s in the middle of nowhere, I sincerely mean that. I barely even get service. But if not, I’ll get back to ya’ll on Monday. <–Practicing my country talk.

Oh Pennsylvania. The place where I'm made fun of for not pronouncing all my "R's" and where I make fun of them because the closest mall is an hour drive. We're totally even.



  1. That is hilarious about jumping for joy with the gun in your hand– your friend is a clever man. I shot an M16 while I was in Vietnam… They let scrubby looking backpackers do that sort of thing in the jungle. There really is a weird thrill when you pull that trigger, isn’t there?

      1. Most of the Europeans had never held a gun… it was like watching them see color for the first time.

        And in a place like Vietnam you can do anything as long as you’re willing to pay for it… anything…

  2. Shooting a machine gun is wicked cool. I got the chance at a firing range some years ago to let loose with a handgun – which was fun, a rifle – which was also fun, but it was most definitely that machine gun that I couldn’t wait to get my hands on. I went all “Boardwalk Empire” Al Capone tommy Gun crazy with it. Total. Riot.

    Hope you have a great trip – Cheers 🙂

      1. Ha-ha – now you mention it – I’m pretty sure I picked it up from a movie I saw some years ago starring Ben Affleck – set in Boston… can’t remember the name of it – it was about gangsters or something – anyhow, loved the way it sounded.

      2. Haha that’s awesome!! Usually when I’m out of town, people give me a weird look. But, I love it! I just wish I could incorporate it into my college papers.

        “That study was WICKED insightful…”

  3. That reaction to shooting a gun reminds me of pretty much every movie representation of a woman shooting a gun haha. Brilliant! I’d have been terrified of you :p
    Have an awesome weekend Lara (look into that crack/whiskey, I’m curious now!

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