Date-cation–>I’m Out of Juice.

It’s been a solid few weeks since I’ve been on a date. Or kissed a guy. Or was even remotely interested in talking to one. But due to this lack of men in my life, I’m out of writing juice. I mean, come on. It’s Wednesday. I OBVIOUSLY didn’t get plastered last night, so I can’t even describe my drunken life through GIFs. But, please. Never fear. For GIFs will be given to you this afternoon.

I’m here today to tell you:

Not all of my dates have been awful.

Not everyone had missing teeth.

Not everyone was a panty thief.

No, no. The rest of them really weren’t that bad. They were actually great guys. There was just no spark on my end. I went through each date happy because it wasn’t a DISASTER. But, unfortunately, I had to welcome to them to a different part of my life that wasn’t located in my heart:


I know. The dreaded “friend zone.” I hate to admit that I’ve done this to many, many guys, but I can’t help how I feel. And most of them really could have been great guy friends. But we all know how the friend zone works….it doesn’t.

The Blonde: He was my first online date. Cute guy. Wicked funny. But lacking in two areas:

Sobriety and Personality.


He had WAY too much fun on our date though. He made us do EVERYTHING. We did dinner, frozen yogurt, AND a movie. A 5 hour date, if you will. I was exhausted. I should have known he wasn’t going to me mature enough for me either. He was a few years younger than me and his picture on the dating site was of him riding a blow up whale in a swimming pool. UGH. That should have been a red flag, but I thought it was funny. Clearly in a “wanna be bros?” way.

The Hairdresser: Yeah, that one threw me for a loop too. He’s a hairdresser at the local spa about 5 minutes from my house. We actually never really went on a date. I realized our conversations weren’t very flirty from the beginning. We were definitely more of friends from the start. We went on a few smoke cruises together and then just sort of lost touch. He texts me from time to time, but I just feel so bad. Every time he left me to go back home he just gave me that look-like he was longing for more.


I just couldn’t do it.

And finally:

The News Videographer: This guy almost made it. NOT. We only had one date. And it went fine, but like usual-no spark. I don’t know if it was the fact that he looked NOTHING like his pictures. Probably because they were taken WHEN HE WAS BORN. UGH That pisses me off to no end. Why on Earth are you going to upload photos of you from a zillion years ago. OH HEY, BRAH! DIDN’T THINK I’D NOTICE? Yeah. You look. Way older. And way different. This dude up here, The Hairdresser did that. HIS PICTURES WERE FROM 2007. TWO FREAKING THOUSAND AND SEVEN.

You might as well upload your baby pictures and go from there. Honestly.

But anyways, yes, problems with the videographer. He was a talker. Like, I’m talking, a TALKER. You ever see that skit Brian Regan does about the people who always have to one-up you? You know, you’re sitting at the dinner table with friends and you’re like “OMG one time I had to get my wisdom tooth out and-” And then



That was the news videographer. He had to one up me with EVERYTHING.

“I was a police officer for hallo-”



Woah, woah. Slow your roll dude. You win the story. I’m sorry I even went there.

Needless to say that was a bust. I couldn’t even put him in the “friend zone.” He wasn’t going to make a good friend.

So there you have it. My boring dates that turned into nothing. They were barely funny stories. More like wastes of time. I’m so glad I didn’t waste weekend nights on them. I usually don’t date on the weekends, because quite frankly I don’t want to waste a night I could be acting ridiculous with my friends to hang out with a stranger.



  1. A good friend of mine is in the midst of a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. We’ve been killing ourselves laughing about how utterly useless he’s going to be when he dives back into the dating scene – but I think I’ve just picked up a Pro-Tip for creating an online dating profile for older dudes from your Videographer “friend” that I’m gonna pass along. Yup, post a picture from back when he was, oh say, in his early 30s. Ha-ha! Totally agree with you – what’s the point of that? It’s not like the woman isn’t going to notice when they meet. Jeez. — Also, seems like maybe an even better idea to not even waste a weeknight evening for a first hook-up/ scope out date – maybe just do a quick lunch-time coffee meet ‘n greet?

    1. Haha yes. Please make sure to tell your friend not to upload old pictures OR a series of pictures of him 100 feet away from the camera. With his back turned. Lord, I love the men of online dating.

      The lunch thing would be fabulous, but, alas, I work during the day everyday. Possibly lunches or coffee on the weekend days would be nice. I’m already dying over not dating. I may have to jump on my horse soon…

      1. Haha – it sure does sound like its time to take a vacation from the date-cation 🙂 — get out there and have some fun I say!

  2. Yeah, that’s exactly what the friend zone looks like. It’s actually quite nicer in the winter season. Property is abundant, and taxes are inexpensive; I have a cottage there, and it’s situated next to a quaint cesspool. Not that great to fish in.

    1. Haha! Hey. My statement still stands. It would be different if he was like 30 or 35, but posting pictures of you when you’re like 18-19 isn’t very accurate of who you are at 25. Come to think of it, I can’t believe I was more attracted to his 19 year old self. Ew.

  3. I definitely agree about not liking it when people post old pictures. I became friends with one guy I met online and his photos were from a few years ago. I don’t really see the logic in that since things can change over a chunk of time that big, and I called him out on it. He understood my frustration after I explained it to him… Kinda disappointing cause you’re excepting one person, and it’s the same person, but they’re still a little different.

    As for the “spark,” don’t always nix someone because it’s not there. Don’t forget, it’s a first date, it’s supposed to be awkward, supposed to be a little tense, especially if a connection is there. Most girls pass up guys and blame it on the lack of “spark.” Perhaps you need more time to actually get to know the person. I’m with someone now, been about a month or so. I really like him, but I’m not really sure which road I want to go down with him. In this case, I need to speak up and make sure we’re on the same page. I know once we get to know each other better things will probably get kicked up a notch. Just a matter of time. Stay patient!

    1. You know, I never really thought about the “spark” thing your way before. Maybe I will give it another shot when I get back into it. You’re absolutely right. I just always expect an instant thing. Not an instant connection but at least some level of comfort or wanting to see the person again. I think that’s why I’m on a date-cation lol

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