Steam Me Up, Scotty!

Steam Me Up, Scotty!

As I was searching for a photo to upload with this post, I came across two pictures of macaroni and cheese. How is a topic about steamy sex anywhere near the equivalence of mac n cheese? Maybe it’s a fetish. I don’t know. Sorry, that’s my ADD talking.

Anyways, my weekend was extraordinary. I went to the birthday party on Friday night. It started extremely early because my friend was turning 25 and as with most of my circle, we tend to get depressed on our birthdays so we liquor up before we have a chance to realize the reasons for our celebration. Although I was surrounded by so many amazing people, I felt a splash of physical loneliness. I was asked for my number by a handsome gentlemen, but I politely declined his advances.

“No, Lara. No boys. No men. Don’t you dare cheat on yourself.”

But then I remembered the exception to my rule: LM.


He had sent me a quick text message earlier in the night asking how I was. He was at home, alone, making flyers for a benefit. I’m assuming it’s for his ill family member. I told him I was at the birthday party, but I had been there for a while so I was looking for an out. So, he told me to swing by if I wanted to, to which I happily accepted.

On the way to his house, I don’t know what came over me. I had this warm feeling from my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. I felt like an animal. I pulled in front of his house and he was waiting for me outside in the cold. He looked so handsome.

That’s when I just lashed out. I ran up the porch and stopped right in front of him-and just stared at him. And then, I pounced.

I don’t know what I caught him with first: my arms, my legs, or my lips? Whichever it was, he accepted all three and carried me into his house. Then, he carried me into his room.

And that’s where my night went from typical to mind blowing. Holy “older men” Batman! I’m never going back to any man my age. That was honestly the best sex of my LIFE. FOUR YEARS IN A RELATIONSHIP. FOUR. COUNT ‘EM. And THAT’S what I was missing?!

I have many adjectives I could use to describe those hours in his bedroom, but they’re honestly still stuck on the tip of my tongue. From the kisses on my neck, to him gripping my thigh, all the way to how many times he called me “beautiful” during all of those electric moments-I think we could have seriously lit up a light bulb.

We’d fall asleep, wake up, and go for seconds. And then thirds. I don’t know which was better: How amazing he was or him telling me how I rocked his world. Hey, bud. I’m 25. I’m a firecracker in my prime and I don’t expect anything less from myself.

Then, the sun was up and I had to leave. I had so much to do that morning. I wish I could have stayed, but I know I’ll see him again soon.

I got out of bed and giggled as I found each article of clothing.

My sock in the bedroom.

My other sock and shirt in the hallway.

OH! There’s my undies! (No panty thief hurrr, guys!)

And then my pants right by the front door. Classy, Lara. Very classy.

He gave me a kiss goodbye and off I went in my pleather jacket and skinny jeans from the night before. I wouldn’t exactly call this the walk of shame, though. Had someone asked, I would have gladly screamed at the top of my lungs that I was in last night’s clothes and it didn’t really matter because they weren’t on for long.

That was my Friday, guys. LM and I are nothing more than what we are. I don’t have any expectations from this whole ordeal. We talk frequently and see each other every week or so. We’re not serious. Nor, do I want to be.

I’m in a serious relationship with myself. There’s no room for another currently. In fact, I went and got sushi and drinks with myself last night. I complimented myself, opened the door for myself, and when I got home I got to spend an ENTIRE sleepy evening cuddling myself. It was fabulous. I think I may be in love…with myself.

But, hey. LM makes a fabulous friend. I know the feeling is mutual, so there’s no awkwardness or weird feelings. We just laugh a lot. And Friday was TOTALLY worth it. Dude’s sex was on fire. For reals.



  1. Ah yes, sex… I remember it fondly from the PKH (pre-kid-having) days. But seriously, between this post and your last one about having the strength to let go of the pictures of your ended relationship – sounds like you’re getting to a good place. Cool.

    1. Haha! What?! Say it ain’t so. Does sex really dwindle down after having children? I just couldn’t imagine. Like, that’s how you got the children in the first place! I’m going to start a PCR (post-children revolution). With the stress of parenting and marriage in general, I think it should be mandatory to have regular funky time.

      1. Pfffft! You really wanna know what becomes the thing you dream about – especially in the early days of having kids? Sleep. Sweet, blissful, uninterrupted… sleep. Nah, but its true, after a while you do get your groove back – but – you just keep things much… quieter.

      2. You speak the truth, Mike. Alright, I’ll give you that. It’s sad to think my groove will have to be shrunk down to library noise levels. I’ll just patiently wait for the day when the children are old enough to sleep at their aunts’ and uncles’ houses 😉

  2. You can definitely write 😉 wow pow wow! I love it! You do give a boy a goal for which to aim … hmm. As a gay man, I do appreciate an open and apreciative look (what??) at sex. Cold shower? Me too.

    1. haha! thank you, kind sir. I absolutely love sharing my experiences with everyone. As Aussa said, I probably should put a disclaimer at the top of my heavy posts.

      Cold shower? I need an ice bath. 😎

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