Month: October 2013

Throwing Myself Into the Shadows

Happy Thursday Ya’ll!

The end of the week is approaching, but I’m so excited I just gotta do my happy dance eaaarly!


I’ve got so much going on this weekend, but it’s my favorite holiday (eehem HALLOWEEN), so I’m pretty pumped. My friends and I bought tickets to this Halloween event in Boston on Saturday. $25 entry and you get free food AND open bar. Plus, my friend’s friend is going on vacation this weekend, so she’s letting us stay at her place in Boston that night so none of us have to drive. Woop Woop!

Tomorrow’s my sister’s birthday celebration and we’re going to a hookah/karaoke bar for drinks and a costume contest. I usually don’t put much thought into my costumes, but I had a Halloween epiphany a few months ago so I’m ready. One of my best friends from college stayed the weekend and we took her out for a night on the town. It was three ladies in the city and we took it by storm that night. I woke up the next morning and the first words I said were, “I literally feel like a pharaoh today.”

BAM. Halloween costume done. Well, I’m not really going as a pharaoh, per say, because I really didn’t like their fashion gear (no offense, Meryt-Neith-you had it goin’ on!) So I’ve decided on Egyptian Princess. I’m not sure which one yet. I have a few lined up, but I get really into character for Halloween, so I want to do my research first. I just love the concept. I mean, I’m 50% Middle Eastern, so I already look 50% the part. My mother gave me a necklace she got from Egypt when she used to belly dance there, so I have something original to add. Throw in some overly priced head dresses and wrist bands, and I’m totally from Egypt. Instead of buying the expensive, yet cheaply made costume, I found my dress at TJ Maxx for $30. The dresses at the Halloween stores were SO crappy looking and I’d be spending $60 for a dress I’ll never wear again. I fell in love with this gown from TJ’s and it’ll definitely be worn for non-Halloween events as well.


I practiced my make-up the other night. You can see the trial in my thumbnail, which brings me to my next discussion:

I’ve gone anonymous.

Well, kind of. I mean if people really wanted to, they could search through my very first posts and find a few photos of me, but I had to change my picture and all that jazz because I’ve been noticing several people are stumbling upon my blog through Google and Yahoo! search engines (which sort of freaks me out that I’m on the first page of these searches). I work for a Franchise 500 company and as much as I’m pretty honest with my work, if my managers ever read my whole blog, they might choke from their own gasps.


Panty thieves?!?

Mind blowing sex?!

Yeah. There are some things I’d rather just leave for the imagination with my management team.


In other news:


Yes. You heard it hear first. I caved. Again. It’s been almost two months since I began my date-cation and I’ve had lots of clarity. I’ve also been all sorts of lonely. LM still texts me from time to time to see how I am, but I don’t understand his reasoning. I’m just cordial because I hate ignoring people when they text me, but I haven’t made any advances to see him again.

I started back up on OKC because I luckily only know maybe 2 guys on there. I hated the other sites because I legit knew more than half of the potential guys and it wasn’t giving me any choices for fresh faces. The only guy I know on OKC is one I went to kindergarten all the way through high school with (and we never talked). Yes, he messaged me. And no, I didn’t message him back. I wanted to be like, “Really, Chris? You’ve known me since we were 5 and have never spoken a word to me. Get to steppin’.”

I’m only talking to one guy as of now. Hm. Pseudo name, pseudo name, what shall you be? Actually, come to think of it, (that always reminds me of a stand up comic who used to say “imagine if you actually had to come to think of it?”), I don’t remember his real name. Well, I’ll give him the name Mr. Drums just to be quick about it. He’s 27, has his Masters in Economics (smarty, farty pants) and has played drums since he was ten. BUT HE’S NOT IN A BAND! YAY! I specifically asked him if he was because I really need to lose my musician taste in men. He’s super intelligent and our conversations are both intellectual and witty-which is  a HUGE requirement for me. But, we all know how this goes. I’m not getting too excited because I’ve just had the worst luck with online dating. I’m taking it as it is, but being VERY picky as to who I go on a date with. If I even have so much as an inkling that it’s going to suck, I’m not going. I’ve been striking out so bad, if I keep this up, I’m going to pull a Michelle Tanner on every single future date.


I’m hoping to try and get together with this cat next week sometime. Between school and work, I don’t know where I can fit dating in, but I know two things: It’s getting cold outside and I’m super lonely. Here we go again, guys.


Falling into Winter

Falling into Winter

As each red and orange autumn leaf fell from the trees,
I began to let go of this year.
I said goodbye to many people
I left behind old experiences
And just as the snow blankets those dried up leaves
So will be the illusions and memories of my past.
Dead, yet preserved.
Covered, but not forgotten.
For every time I kick a patch of snow
I’ll see that hue of brown
And remember how alive they once were.
I won’t mourn their demise.
I’ll just close my eyes and breathe deeply
Because I know the only constants in life
Are the continuity of time
And the inevitability of change.
In a few chilling, short months
The trees will bud with new life,
My soul will bloom,
And I will embrace the sun again
Because remembering that
Spring is only a few seasons away
Is enough to leave a twinkle in my eye all winter.

City Girl in the Country Part…5…I think?

City Girl in the Country Part...5...I think?


We all know how much I love this day of the week.

Cue Batman and Robin.


I’m only working a half day today. Once that clock hits 1 PM, I’m off to Pennsylvania to hang out with my favorite people in my favorite county. Bags are packed and in my trunk. I forgot to buy whiskey at the liquor store yesterday, but these people thrive on whiskey so I’m sure I won’t be without. They have corn whiskey down there, which is clear (da fuq?) and tastes like absolute crap. However, the drunk you get from it surpasses all the other drunkenesses in the world. It’s like crack in a bottle. Honestly. Sometimes I wonder if there really is crack in it because I can’t fall asleep after.

That picture is totally me, by the way. Who thought it was a good idea to give a girl in a leather jacket an assault rifle?

The only time I’ve ever shot guns (besides paintballs and water guns) is down in PA. The first time I shot one was with this small handgun. I had my heart SET on shooting a gun all weekend and right before we were about to drive back to Boston, my friend Matt takes out the little beauty and lets me give it a go.

He stayed outside with me while everyone else watched behind the glass sliding door in the kitchen. I didn’t even hesitate. I’m all like “Yo. I can shoot a gun. I went paintballing a few times like a boss.”

As soon as Matt gave me the gun, I aimed for the cornfields and pulled the trigger.

First thing: HOLY HELL. That shit is LOUD. I honestly thought I blew my ear drum out.

Second thing: Right after I realized I didn’t go deaf, I was on such an adrenaline high that I turned to my friends and started jumping up and down, waving my arms (the one with the gun in it included) all around screaming “OH MY GOD I JUST SHOT A GUN! OH MY GOD I’M SO BADASS!” As I’m waving this gun around like a fool, I notice all my friends turning pale as ghosts. They looked at me like they were hostage negotiators.

“Lara, put the gun down. Stop waving it around like a crazy person.”

How I thought I looked:

How I actually looked:

Yes, ladies and gentleman. I almost killed my friends.

Luckily for me, and well, everyone else, Matt only put one bullet in the gun. He KNEW I was going to do that. He just laughed, “I don’t know why, but when people shoot a gun for the first time, they ALWAYS wave it around after.”

I have some smart friends.

I’m beyond that now. I moved up to assault rifles. The M16 was my absolute favorite. It was pretty comfortable for a big gun. I shot a few more, but the force was INSANE. The kickback and sound alone was enough to scare the shit out of me. I can’t WAIT to shoot some more this weekend!

I’ll try to update you guys on the trip, but when I tell you it’s in the middle of nowhere, I sincerely mean that. I barely even get service. But if not, I’ll get back to ya’ll on Monday. <–Practicing my country talk.

Oh Pennsylvania. The place where I'm made fun of for not pronouncing all my "R's" and where I make fun of them because the closest mall is an hour drive. We're totally even.

As We Go

As We Go

It’s interesting to think about how one day, in 50 years, we’re going to look at these insignificant times in our lives and just laugh. I’ll say:

“Remember that time my heart got broken? I thought it was the end of the world! If only you knew where you’d be right now.”

“Remember when that guy tried to steal my undies?”
– Wait, wait. I’m actually laughing about that now.

“Remember when I didn’t know what I was going to be doing with my life or where I was going to be?”

I think about it all the time. How one day, I’m going to have this entirely different outlook on life. I’ll still be the same old Lara, just with a more crystallized intelligence. I already feel a certain kind of wisdom I didn’t have a few years ago. Our minds become such powerful tools if we let them grow intellectually and spiritually. We start to know ourselves better. I remember being 14 and not knowing who I was at all. Hell, I remember being 18 and not knowing who I was, then either. But now, at 25, I’m starting to see a more clear picture of the person I’m becoming.






And most importantly, destined for greatness.

I don’t think it’s conceded to think of yourself so highly. I think it’s empowering. I’m most certainly not perfect-and I have a lot more to learn. But since I’ve blindly crept into adulthood, I’ve recognized my potential.

Sometimes getting older scares me. Sometimes I really wish I could just stay in these moments forever. But I know there’s more. At 25, our being has barely scratched the surface of living. And I kind of can’t wait to delve in. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen because if you do, something most certainly will.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one remembers to turn on the light.”
-Albus Dumbledore

Date-cation–>I’m Out of Juice.

It’s been a solid few weeks since I’ve been on a date. Or kissed a guy. Or was even remotely interested in talking to one. But due to this lack of men in my life, I’m out of writing juice. I mean, come on. It’s Wednesday. I OBVIOUSLY didn’t get plastered last night, so I can’t even describe my drunken life through GIFs. But, please. Never fear. For GIFs will be given to you this afternoon.

I’m here today to tell you:

Not all of my dates have been awful.

Not everyone had missing teeth.

Not everyone was a panty thief.

No, no. The rest of them really weren’t that bad. They were actually great guys. There was just no spark on my end. I went through each date happy because it wasn’t a DISASTER. But, unfortunately, I had to welcome to them to a different part of my life that wasn’t located in my heart:


I know. The dreaded “friend zone.” I hate to admit that I’ve done this to many, many guys, but I can’t help how I feel. And most of them really could have been great guy friends. But we all know how the friend zone works….it doesn’t.

The Blonde: He was my first online date. Cute guy. Wicked funny. But lacking in two areas:

Sobriety and Personality.


He had WAY too much fun on our date though. He made us do EVERYTHING. We did dinner, frozen yogurt, AND a movie. A 5 hour date, if you will. I was exhausted. I should have known he wasn’t going to me mature enough for me either. He was a few years younger than me and his picture on the dating site was of him riding a blow up whale in a swimming pool. UGH. That should have been a red flag, but I thought it was funny. Clearly in a “wanna be bros?” way.

The Hairdresser: Yeah, that one threw me for a loop too. He’s a hairdresser at the local spa about 5 minutes from my house. We actually never really went on a date. I realized our conversations weren’t very flirty from the beginning. We were definitely more of friends from the start. We went on a few smoke cruises together and then just sort of lost touch. He texts me from time to time, but I just feel so bad. Every time he left me to go back home he just gave me that look-like he was longing for more.


I just couldn’t do it.

And finally:

The News Videographer: This guy almost made it. NOT. We only had one date. And it went fine, but like usual-no spark. I don’t know if it was the fact that he looked NOTHING like his pictures. Probably because they were taken WHEN HE WAS BORN. UGH That pisses me off to no end. Why on Earth are you going to upload photos of you from a zillion years ago. OH HEY, BRAH! DIDN’T THINK I’D NOTICE? Yeah. You look. Way older. And way different. This dude up here, The Hairdresser did that. HIS PICTURES WERE FROM 2007. TWO FREAKING THOUSAND AND SEVEN.

You might as well upload your baby pictures and go from there. Honestly.

But anyways, yes, problems with the videographer. He was a talker. Like, I’m talking, a TALKER. You ever see that skit Brian Regan does about the people who always have to one-up you? You know, you’re sitting at the dinner table with friends and you’re like “OMG one time I had to get my wisdom tooth out and-” And then



That was the news videographer. He had to one up me with EVERYTHING.

“I was a police officer for hallo-”



Woah, woah. Slow your roll dude. You win the story. I’m sorry I even went there.

Needless to say that was a bust. I couldn’t even put him in the “friend zone.” He wasn’t going to make a good friend.

So there you have it. My boring dates that turned into nothing. They were barely funny stories. More like wastes of time. I’m so glad I didn’t waste weekend nights on them. I usually don’t date on the weekends, because quite frankly I don’t want to waste a night I could be acting ridiculous with my friends to hang out with a stranger.