Month: September 2013

Changing of the Seasons

This song has been my anthem for this month.
If you’re going through something similar,
just know, your time will come too. And you rock.

And if I’m ever lucky enough to have my ex read this, take a hint. Or two.

And when you say you won’t forget me
Well I can tell you that’s untrue
Cause everyday since you left me
I’ve thought less and less of you

And I’ve worn out all the reasons
To keep on knocking at your door
Could be the changing of the seasons
But I don’t love you anymore.

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Complexities

Complexities

“Life is complex.
Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another…The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness. ”

-M. Scott Peck

Keep On

Keep On

“The greatest battle is not the physical, but the psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going.”

Here. Have a Glass of Inspiration.

Here. Have a Glass of Inspiration.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
-John Lennon

When people come to me with unsettling issues, there’s usually an underlying theme: A lack of life satisfaction. Over the past several weeks, my friends have confessed to me their feelings of unhappiness. They aren’t satisfied with how their life is turning out. We’re all mostly in our mid to late twenties, so this quarter life crisis thing is becoming a bit more common then everyone believes.

“I’m just not where I want to be, Lara. When I was 20, I had this whole vision of myself for the future. And now, here I am, and it’s nothing like I imagined it. I’m so scared about the future. What if I fail?”

That’s precisely what my best friend said to me a few weeks ago. I asked him if he was happy in this very moment. He replied, yes. I asked him if he absolutely hated his life. He replied, no. So I told him to “Just be happy.” He gave me the most awkward look ever. So I told him:

“We’ve been best friends for over a decade. I’ve watched you grow into the man you are today and I am unbelievably proud of everything you have accomplished. But I have noticed your unsettling emotions over the past year. Do you realize you’ve spent almost an entire year worrying? You’ve spent this whole time so focused on the past and so nervous for the future that you forgot to be comfortable in the “now.” When you die, what you did with your life is going to be secondary to how you lived it. Nobody is going to care if you were the CEO of some large corporation and you spent every second of your life dedicated to a job that holds nothing but a title. They’re going to reflect on the life you LED. How happy you were. How you loved your family. How you LOVED your LIFE. Don’t you want people to think those things about you? You can’t shoot for the stars unless you have a safe and proper take off. Be happy with yourself NOW. Relax a little. Have a good time. Once you start to feel happy and like yourself again, everything else will fall into place. You’ll be on your path again in no time. Just don’t focus on the end result. Focus on the journey you’re taking to get there. Make it an unforgettable one.

And just like that, he applied to college two days ago. I’m so unbelievably proud of him.

If you ever feel like you’re going through the same thing as him-if you feel like you’re not satisfied with your life because you aren’t “successful” or living the life you thought you would have years ago, try thinking about your funeral. No, really. In the most non-morbid way possible. What do you think people would say about you? What would you want people to say about you? Really think about it and write it all down. THAT’S how you should be living your life. That’s how you should be feeling at this very moment.

“Don’t miss the sun today by worrying about the rain coming tomorrow.”

As Rebecca Black Says..

As Rebecca Black Says..

It’s FRIDAY!

And this is how I feel.

I’ve missed my little blog so much. I hate how school gets in the way, but I gotta stick with that responsibility thing that I do.

No new updates for you guys, really. I listened to you guys and reached out to The Nerd earlier in the week (which you were right), and he was excited to hear from me. I told him to give me a ring sometime this week or weekend when he was free if he wanted to do something, which he agreed to. I just left it at that though. He’s an engineer and wicked busy during the week, so it’s understandable if he isn’t around much. Plus, now that I have school, my free time is extremely limited-mostly to the weekends-and I’m a social butterfly so I’m usually booked solid by Wednesday. I just don’t want to tell him that!

“Oh hey. By the way, I’m like-wicked cool-so you have to let me know by the beginning of the week if you want to hang out or else I’ll have to pencil you in for October 5th.”

Uh, NO.

By the way, I’m not wicked cool (well, maybe). I just have a ton of friends in different circles so I try to make time for all of them when/if I can. I’m not one of those people who has a specific circle of friends-I run in different packs!

Alas, I’ll have to wait and see if The Nerd wants to see me soon. And so will you!

OH! And The DJ? One word: Flake.

I texted him on Sunday and he never got back to me. And he’s got those “read” receipts on his phone, so I know he saw it right away.

Was it something I said?

Do I use too many emojis?

Well, whatever it was, I don’t care. I love my emjois and they’re here to stay.

So The DJ’s texts were deleted and I quietly sang “Another One Bites the Dust.”

BUT.

My friend’s boyfriend is totally making me go on a blind date next week-ish. He heard me drunkenly mumbling about how I just want a boy who will eat pizza, tell me jokes, and cuddle with me. Apparently, a light bulb went off in his head because he snapped a photo of me and sent it to his best friend immediately. We’re supposed to do a “double blind date.” He texted his friend, “Hey. We’re going out with Sabrina and Lara next week.” And then sent him a picture of me. I guess he said okay because it was settled. Haha! Who needs online dating? Get some of your friend’s boyfriends to hook it up. I feel a little weird because it’s B’s friend and if we don’t like each other that might make it awkward in the future. So, I told him to tell his friend this is more of a “blind hangout.” I’m always up for making new friends and B says he’s HYSTERICAL so maybe I’ll make a new friend if anything!

Anyways, I’m excited for the weekend. Lots to do, lots to see, and lots of great people to spend time with. I did as much work as I could for school this week so I can enjoy myself this weekend. I would hate to do work on a SATURDAY UGH.

Sorry to bore you guys. My weekend should add some adventure to my Monday blog! Until then:

Be safe.
Be free.
Be you.

xx

Even Without the Sun

Even Without the Sun

Even without the sun, today is beautiful.
It’s beautiful because I believe it is.
I’m existing. I’m in it. I’ve smiled today.
I have no provisions for believing in its beauty
Because I believe in order for me to love my life
It should be unconditional, no matter the sorrow or pain.
No matter how awful my day goes,
No matter how many tears fall, or how many tears don’t,
No matter how much negative energy gets thrown at me,
My day will always get better
My eyes will always dry
My heart will always smile, even if my face can’t remember how to make one,
And my energy will deflect unwanted visitors
Because I have love in my heart.

When I’m going through some of the most trivial times in my life, I get this little glimmer of hope. I could be curled up in a ball, tears pouring down my face, wishing I could just stay in bed forever when all of a sudden I get this millisecond of warmth in my heart. That’s my rainbow after a storm.

The Old Fashioned Way of Meeting People

The Old Fashioned Way of Meeting People

Ahh, Monday morning. A fabulous time to get to work, be depressed that the week has only begun, write to you about my not-so-amazing life, and try to put the fuzzy pieces together with regards to my weekend. What stole my memories? Whiskey. Lots. of. whiskey.

So, my first week back into online dating has been all but eh. I did start talking to one guy. I’m going to make this super original and call him The DJ because, well, he’s a DJ. Oh, how my creativity shines! Better yet, what is up with me and musicians? Do I just have some unconscious attraction to men who make a living playing music? Since my relationship ended back in March, I vowed to stay away from the music business. It’s hard to be the band girlfriend. Low availability, girls always drooling over your boyfriend, late night shows, late night calls, late night come-homes. It’s all part of the job. Luckily for HIM, I was pretty well equipped to handle a relationship like that because I’m a little too down to earth to be fretting over where my boyfriend is at every second of the day. But also, it was hard towards the end for me to handle. SO. I’m not really sure how dating a DJ would be any different or better, but it’s still a little too early to tell on that part.

What really drew me in to this guy was his outlook on life. His profile was so positive and upbeat. He wants to constantly strive to be more than he is everyday. And, everything he accomplished in his life was his doing, and his doing only. I don’t know too much about his personal life, but what I gather is he doesn’t really have a family and he’s been on his own for a very long time. So, since we vibed so well [electronically] I decided to be bold and give him my number. I honestly hate talking to people on Okcupid because the site itself has so many kinks. It kicks me off ALL the time and freezes constantly-only for a little robot to pop up and say “SORRY! Looks like we’re having issues.”

UM. We can grow a CHEESEBURGER in a test tube, but we can’t figure out how to get a dating mobile app to function properly? Well, if that isn’t the biggest oversight in the solar system then I don’t know what is.

Anyways, yes. I’m ballsy and gave out my number. I can usually tell when someone is going to be a crazy or not and he definitely didn’t seem like one. We texted back and forth for a little bit that first night. I don’t like to give too much away about myself because I need actual conversation material for when we decide to hang out. I haven’t decided when I’m going to ask him for coffee yet, but it’ll come to me. I’m a busy girl. Oh yeah, and that’s right guys. With online dating-I call the shots. I send the first message, I send my phone number, and I set up the date. I just like being in control of those things. If he wanted to go ahead and do any of that, I would have accepted it, but honestly life is TOO short to be waiting around for someone you don’t even know to get in touch with you.

Okay, forget about online dating now. I’m super excited because on Saturday night I actually met someone. IN REAL LIFE. The old fashioned way. I know, I know. EXCITING.

Now, I’m not giddy like a school girl or anything, but it’s so refreshing to do things the old way. I think it takes the nerves out of actually going on a date the next time you meet up because, well, you already talked in person for a few hours so what’s a big deal about a formal hangout?

My best friend from college came down for the weekend and since her birthday was about a week ago, me and another friend decided to take her out around our neck of the woods. We got all dolled up (And let me tell you. We looked smokin’) and did a little pregaming before heading out downtown. The last bar/club we went to is definitely the trashiest, but the drinks are cheap and strong, and there’s no cover. Deal me in!

The other two I was with already made friends as soon as we walked in, so I plopped myself at the bar and ordered myself a glass of Jameson. Since I was already a little under the weather, I can’t remember how the conversation started, but the good looking guy sitting right next to me started one up. I’m going to call him The Nerd. NOT because he is a nerd in any way. Well, maybe, I don’t know many details about him yet. But I was intrigued because I was super attracted to him (which is weird because he really isn’t my type) and he had a pair of those ridiculous hipster glasses on. Come to find out, they’re actually real. Like, he really needs them to see. Weird, I know, since everyone thinks it’s cool to wear prescription-less glasses now-a-days. So then the nerdy eye wear made me even more attracted to him. He’s from North Carolina. Moved up here for work (he’s an engineer). So, he’s cute AND successful?

Pinch me. Ow Ow, okay, thanks.

What REALLY got me into him was his sense of confidence. It wasn’t cocky whatsoever. Confidence. With a capital “C.” He was just so sure of himself. Even with his geeky demeanor, he had more game than 50 Cent. That’s my biggest turn on-intellectual and confidence simultaneously. Melting. We had amazing conversation. Yes, I was a little drunk, but never too drunk for a good convo with someone worth it. He was with a friend, The Wingman, who was equally as good looking (why can’t I have both?) but I decided on The Nerd in an instant. I kept The Wingman in the conversation because I know how awful it is to sit at a bar bored out of your mind while your friend is mackin it to someone. I think he really appreciated that because he was just engaged in the conversation as The Nerd and I were. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to The Nerd until finally I was literally attached to him sitting at the bar. Since it was technically a girls night, I felt like I had to go find my friends and hang with them, so I told him I had to go. That’s when he said, “Before you go, you should download that app that has my phone number in it.” HAHA. Most girls would think that’s the cheesiest line ever, but after over an hour of talking to him, it was music to my ears. So I took his number, gave him mine, and we texted each other that night to make sure we each got home safely. I spoke to him briefly yesterday. We exchanged some sarcastic texts and some more “getting to know each other” questions, but haven’t made any plans yet to see each other again.

When is a good time to make plans? How long do I wait? I’m not too good at knowing the contact rules. One of you guys have to help me out with this one.

The only thing that kind of gets me is the fact that he’s two years younger than me. I know it’s not a huge deal, but I’ve just learned through experience that any guy younger than I am has a high probability of life immaturity-like, they don’t know what they want. Ever. That’s why I’ve been trying to look for older guys.

But, like old fashioned dating is, you don’t get a choice of who you click with while sitting at a bar on a Saturday night. We’ll just see how it goes.