Frosty Windows

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Though it seems Autumn may signify the death of nature,

it does not.

It preserves – it protects – it strengthens.

The trees still stand tall,

and below the Earth’s surface lies the warmth that we all hold dear to our memories.

Do not fear or dread the winter chill or the long haul of darkness.

Preserve – protect – and strengthen yourself

so when the trees bud and the flowers grow again,

you may grow taller and stronger than the year before.

Embrace the frost.

Embrace yourself.

And though your skin may be cold, keep your heart warm.

Life your life with peace,

and with the certainty that much is uncertain.

The Saddest Break Up Tale.

We were together for years. And over the last few months, my heart has been breaking piece by piece.

The others were never good enough. They left me with a bad taste, and I knew my nights with them would never last. They were most certainly one night stands, and for a while, I felt like that was all I’d ever have.

But then, I saw him and experienced all of his glory.. He was one of very few words. He never spoke back, got sassy, or told me I was wrong. Actually, being with him made me feel so right. He lifted me up when I was down and made me fly when I was already high. And for the first time in my life, I thought I had met my match.

It wasn’t until early this year, when I started changing my life around that things got rough with us. I began trying to be healthier, and in turn spent less time with him. I think the distance made him angry – because every time we actually got together, it was short lived and I always went to bed alone with a sick feeling in my stomach.

It wasn’t until last month, when I thought I’d give it one more shot, that I truly knew it was over. I thought it would be sweet to spend the Halloween weeks together in Salem Massachusetts, where celebrating before the actual holiday wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary.

We had dinner, which was lovely, and everything went fine for a few hours. We met again at a tavern and I thought the chill running through me was just from the cold. But alas, it was not. I got home and felt that same sick, sad feeling in my stomach. I could hear him yelling at me as I wept and vomited in the bathroom.

YOU’RE NOT THE SAME! YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME ANYMORE, CAN YOU?

And just like that, I knew. No, sir. I cannot handle you anymore. My healthy lifestyle has torn me from your sweet aroma. My clean body and mind makes it difficult to spend any reasonable amount of time with you. It hurts to be without you, but it hurts more when I’m with you.

We had many great, wonderful years together. I’ll never forget how happy he made me feel. I’ve started moving on, slowly but surely, and I know that even though we aren’t together, I’m in a great place in my life. Time will only tell if we ever meet again. Maybe a short embrace here and there, but that’s all we’ll ever have between us.

Jameson, I will always love you. Thank you for the time we did have. Until we meet again.

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An Open Letter to Myself

intothebeauty:

I’ve been going through my old posts and I just absolutely love this one so much. Can’t believe I wasn’t going to post this. <3 And to this day, I still feel just as happy.

Originally posted on Time is of the Essence:

I wasn’t going to post this one. Sort of for myself. But I thought, why would I make a post private when I never have before? Honesty is what I’m here for.

Dear Lara From One Year Minus Three Days Ago,

I know you can’t breathe right now, but you’re going to be okay.

Today was one of the toughest days of your life thus far. Top Ten for sure. You did what millions of other people do every hour of every day. You felt what it was like to love someone for a long time-not like mom and dad, mind you-and then have them not love you back anymore. Hurts, huh? Remember when all of your friends went through that and you’d just shrug it off like, “What’s their problem?” Well, in hindsight, I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. But after all, hindsight is always 20/20.

I’m here to tell…

View original 1,009 more words

An Early Darkness & Big Foot

Something about the clocks changing really gets to me. It’s 4:30 PM, and as I look out at the giant glass windows and doors to the front of the office, all I manage to see is a dark background with the reflection of the inside.

I’m tired already.

All wants from prior to lunch have dispersed into thoughts of pajamas, tea, and TV shows that I’ve never watched before. Yeah, I think it’s important to state that I do NAHT watch much TV. At all. I watch Reign on Thursdays, rewatching True Blood with The Drummer as of right now (he’s never seen it),  Game of Thrones when it comes back on, and I fall asleep to the gentle hymns of a young Will Smith living with his uncle in West Philadelphia.

Between the gym, my boyfriend, family, friends, meal preps, and all of the other stupid adult things I have to do (like LAUNDRY. Ugh.) I rarely have time for TV. So you can imagine what happens to me when I actually have the time for it. It takes me half the evening to pick out something to watch.

The other night, I was on my computer and some Big Foot show was on. In all fairness, I leave the TV on animal planet when I leave my cat JUST in case Too Cute! Kittens comes on and she can realize she isn’t a lone wolf in the story of meows. I glanced up, a little stoned – I won’t lie – and just felt like all of humanity had died within that production crew.

How is this show still on?

They have NEVER FOUND BIGFOOT TO DATE.

[the crew] DID YOU HEAR THAT? DID YOU?

All they do in that show is talk about the sounds they heard. I bet if I walked in the woods at night somewhere in East Bumfuck North America, I would hear weird shit too. Get a grip. You are creating a stagnate youth. It’s people that do shit like that that will keep our civilization from evolving.

Anywho, tonight is one of those nights.

I’ve already worked out this morning, and for the first time in a while I have absolutely no plans. It’s kind of nice. I’ll eat dinner, get a 30ish minute bout of yoga in, and then stare at the TV for a while before opening my computer and browsing the interwebs instead. I think the internet is more tailored to my ADD. The Drummer hates it when I browse my phone while we’re watching something. He thinks it’s because it doesn’t interest me. It’s not that – it’s that I truly cannot sit in one spot for long and direct my attention solely to one thing for an hour. That’s impossible for mwah!

I blame the darkness for my lack of motivation. I have plenty of people whom I haven’t seen in forever that I could call and stop in. But dammit. Dark equals sleep. Dark equals night time which equals sleep! I need to find a way to fight off this demonic early sunset that’s plagued my part of the world. I could never live in those places where darkness ensues for months at a time. I’d be seasonally depressed to the max.

Oh well.

Maybe, like the bears, the winter is a time for human hibernation. Maybe you’re SUPPOSE to stay in, snuggle, drink tea, and get lost in some electronic thing you own. Maybe it’s to gather enough energy to have the Spring/Summer of our lives!

So with that said, I am in hibernation.

Breaking the Habit: Part Two

You can find Breaking the Habit Part One here!

Ah, back to blogging about the butts. I had to write the part two sooner or later, and I’m happy to announce that as of today I am cigarette free. I didn’t quit on my birthday like I had originally wanted, but I was down to one cigarette a day for a few weeks before I finally just threw in the towel. I had run out one day and I was like you know what, Lara? You don’t need that one stupid cigarette anymore.

And just like that, I broke free from the habit that would eventually kill me one day.

Let me tell you, though, it was NOT easy. It’s been hard. Really fucking hard. I honestly have come to the acceptance that I’m just going to be a little bit bitchier for the rest of my life. For every time someone cuts me off on the highway, or anyone at work aggravates me, I don’t have that precious rolled up piece of goodness to get me through that spike in my blood pressure anymore. I have “deep breathing.” Pardon me while I hypothetically throw up all over that phrase because quite frankly, I’d rather smoke a cigarette.

BUT. The list of diseases my family has from smoking is of enormous quantities. So I’d rather be an old bitch than a nice young corpse. It makes life spicier that way anyways.

I’ve only cheated 3 times too! And it’s only when I’m drunk. Anyone who has ever been a smoker can attest that nothing is better than having a cigarette and a drink at the same friggin time. Ugh. It’s amazing.

But you know what? Each time I’ve cheated has never been followed by a relapse.

I won’t go back to it. I CAN’T. I work out six days a week. I do intense cardio and lifting. There is NO way I would be able to accomplish what I have with cigarettes. I can’t believe I got through workouts as a smoker. I used to smoke one right BEFORE a workout. HAHA seriously, Lara? Seriously.

Once the withdrawals go away, it truly is just mind over matter. My entire family smokes. Every single day I am surrounded by cigarette smoke. That’s will power right there. Just like how every day I decide to not eat the cookies on my counter, I also decide not to smoke a cigarette. And the fact that sugar is just as addicting as cigarettes is a WHOLE other post for a different day. And seriously, that WILL be discussed eventually because it’s just as serious as any other addiction in this world.

I can’t lie though. I DO have a crutch. And this “crutch” has been up for serious debate but it’s saved my lungs. What is this magic that I speak of? E-cigarettes. Not just any e-cigarette. A Provape – It’s one of the top ones on the market. NOT cheap but when I do the math between smoking that and cigarettes, my vape is FAR more superior. And I know what you nay sayers have to say:

E Juice is dangeroussss! OH NO PLEASE DON’T SMOKE THAT STUFF LARA!

This isn’t a debate, but I’m just going to leave the vape talk off with the fact that I haven’t seen one piece of research against e-cigarettes. I’m extremely careful with it, I keep children away from it, and I don’t poison my neighbors with it. A few puffs of that a day to keep me sane is extremely better than smoking a pack of cigs a day. I pick and choose my dangers wisely.

Anyways, I’m 4 months strong and so far, not wanting to go back. They say trying to quit after failing to quit is one of the hardest things to do – harder than the original quit. I won’t let myself get to that point. As long as I have my health on my side, I think I’ll be okay. Even if I’m a little bitchy :)

Fall Healthy Eating and Pinterest

It’s hard to stay on track nutritionally this time of year. Let’s face it.

Halloween candy.

Thanksgiving desserts.

And we can’t forget Christmas! UGHHHHHHHHH

Staying healthy during times of tricks and treats CAN be done. It just takes preparation and…well…willpower.

One place I find a lot of my inspiration from is…wait for it, wait for it! Pinterest.

I know, I know. I’m like every other woman on the planet. BUT I just hopped on the Pinterest band wagon only a few short months ago.

However, pinners beware. Not all pins are created equally.

The most important piece of advice I can give you when looking at Pinterest recipes is to read them closely. First of all, the recipes can be off. I’ve made a few recipes from there where the end result was NOT like the picture or correct. Try to look at the comments and see if anyone else had made the recipe or if the pinner themselves actually made it.

Second, unless it was from a reputable website, you need to double check their nutrition facts. I made a chili a few weeks ago that was dubbed “The Biggest Loser Chili Recipe” and the calories were WAY off. When making a recipe, I go to the Calorie Count Website and input all of the ingredients. I know it’s time consuming, but it’s the only way to really see the nutritional content of what you’re cooking.

Adding on to the point I previously made, checking nutrition is extremely important when it comes to clicking on those “healthy” pins. Sometimes those “healthy” recipes are full of sugar, especially the hidden sugar that the fitness world preaches about. Yes, that apple pie you want to make is a healthier version, but that doesn’t mean you should eat more than one piece or that you can have it every day. Any kind of baking you do at home can be considered healthier because YOU are the one making it – It’s not filled with all of those preservatives or additional funky sounding ingredients that you get at the grocery store.

This brings me to my next topic, which is more of a picture and recipe I HAVE to share because it came out AMAZING. I spen last Friday carving pumpkins with my friends and I said I’d bring dessert. Now, not everyone I know is on my healthy eating bandwagon, so I had to find something that would fit my nutritional bill AND taste delicious.

I scoured the internet for recipes and stumbled upon one for 60 calorie pumpkin cakes. It looked easy enough, so I figured why the hell not? And THIS was the end result:

Pumpkin CakesMy feet made a cameo at the bottom. Sorry about that :) I cut my squares into 28 instead of 35 so they were slightly more than 60 calories but WOW. Just wow. My friends and family loved them. They were moist, pumpkin-y, and the cream cheese frosting was out of this world. If you want the recipe, you can find it here. I highly recommend it to anyone, even if you aren’t a health nut like myself.

This coming Friday I’m going to a Halloween party with The Drummer, and I need to bring something but I have like ZERO time so I decided to make these bad boys:

Courtesy of skinnymom.com

Courtesy of skinnymom.com

I’ll post a picture of them when I actually make them this weekend. They aren’t the HEALTHIEST but I don’t know The Drummer’s friends well enough to engulf them with my craziness so these will suffice. If you want to beat me to it, find the recipe here!

Hope you guys have a great week! I’m new to this whole health blogging thing, so if anyone has any requests, I’d love to hear them!

P.S. If you or anyone you know needs vitamins, protein, or any healthy foods/healthy living items, Vitacost has MILLIONS of products. I seriously buy from them monthly. You can get $10 off your first order by clicking here!

The Drummer: The Good, the Better, the Best: An Update

I’ve figured since it’s been so long I owe everyone an update on The Drummer. For those of you just tuning in, he’s my Online Dating Success Story. In just a few short weeks, it will mark a year since our first date. I honestly can’t believe it.

He was the final straw. The I have had it up to fucking HERE with online dating and if this one doesn’t work out then I just give the fuck up last straw.

I drove around for a solid hour before our date, smoking cigarettes and trying to stay positive.

Well, Lara, you’ve done your homework. You’ve seen just about everything there is to see on his Facebook without you actually having a Facebook. You’ve googled, binged, yahooed, and background checked the terms “The Drummer’s Real Name Murderer, Felon, Arrested” as many times as you could. You’ve creeped on his YouTube page several hundred times, pausing at that one good side angle of his face and imagined it in front of yours. This will be just fine.

And just like that, he became my boo.

Yes. That must be the LAMEST nickname in the world to give your boyfriend, but I don’t like calling him baaaaabe, baby, or hunny. I’ve never really called anyone those words except for The Ex and for some reason it just doesn’t fit The Drummer. I started calling him boo as a joke. Honestly, total joke. But it stuck. And hey, I’ve heard of worse nicknames.

He’s been absolutely amazing – our relationship has been absolutely amazing. Of course we’ve had our tiffs. Sometimes I’m close minded, and sometimes he’s just a guy, but we both recognize our faults and try to make the best of them. We are certainly not perfect, but we’re happy.

This relationship is different this time around. I used to worry so much with The Ex. From the very beginning of our relationship to the very end, I was constantly worried. I was never sure about his feelings because I always knew how low I fell on the totem pole. I’ve never expected to be the most important thing in someone else’s life, but dammit I deserve to be one of the important things. When The Drummer and I first got together, I used to ask him if we could see each other on a Friday night since I hadn’t seen him all week and he would just laugh at me. But I’m not used to that. I had to ask my ex to hang out because, to be honest, the answer was “no” a lot of times. Band things, practice, shows, “guys night,” “alone night.” Those were all things that were far more important than seeing me once or twice a week. When we had been together for YEARS, mind you.

But not with my Drummer. If he doesn’t have plans, and I don’t have plans, our plans are together. And it’s nice because I don’t get to see him all the time. During the week, I’m working like a mad dog and working out harder – and he’s doing the same. When I get to his place on Friday, the first thing I do is throw my bag down and hop in his bed. It’s the first time all week that I get to just lay.

I’m flying to Illinios with him on Thanksgiving day to spend the holiday with him and his family. I’ve never met them before since they live so far away and I’m excited to meet the people closest to him. I’m a little nervous because I have to deal with the whole anxiety of Will they like me? thing, but from what he tells me I should be fine.

And that’s pretty much it for Drummer updates. It’s been one great year and I honestly hope I get to spend more with him. So far, it looks like that’s a possibility.